If there is a choice, it will be made incorrectly. Wrong word choice

The unfortunate fate of many people is a consequence of the choice they did not make.

They are neither alive nor dead. Life turns out to be a burden, a pointless pursuit, and deeds are only a means of protection from the torments of existence in the kingdom of shadows.
(E. Fromm)

Tell me, have you ever had to make a choice?

Stupid question, right?

It is clear what everyone had to do definite choice very often, and sometimes even too often.

Anyone who has made a difficult choice at least once knows that it is not the easiest thing.

Teach a person to do right choice impossible and unnecessary.

The only question is that a person understands where there is actually Choice, and where there is the Only True Decision, and “choice” is just an illusory wall in front of him, creating “suspense” and ambiguity in any situation.

Please note that when you are faced with some ambiguous situation that requires you to make a balanced decision, then your internal tension (or even suffering) arises precisely from the fact that you find yourself in a kind of limbo - a state of chaos. Having already encountered this chaos, you refuse to solve it qualitatively.

This is very important point: Suffering occurs when a person refuses to make a choice.

This is the real one psychological problem- internal contradiction, a clash of opposing desires, none of which a person can or does not want to completely abandon.

Remember that you cannot forgive and take revenge at the same time. You won’t be able to escape from loneliness to friends and at the same time maintain the illusion of your strength and independence. You won’t be able to get the person back and maintain your unapproachable position at the same time. But you can always do one thing - namely, accept the Only The right decision, and then all the chaos will stop and your life will immediately move on.

It turns out strange, but as a result we will not even talk about choice, but rather about what this Choice can do to us, and in particular bad things.

The most important thing is to anticipate the traps that are created by Illusory choice.

Let's start, as always, with an example to understand the essence of our conversation.

The dog is sitting near the table, you are at the table, there is a sandwich on the table. The dog wants to steal the sandwich, but understands that he will be punished. And so she sits and sits between two fires and suddenly begins to frantically scratch behind her ear. She can neither remain indifferent nor react and chooses the third path, which is no longer relevant to the matter at all.

This is a displaced activity - doing something that is not directly related to what you really need. This is what is driven into the gap between biological (“I want”) and social (“I need”) motivation. Writers, for example, begin to write something completely different from what they should, photographers begin to shoot something not related to the order.

But for some reason our Peter does not follow his wife’s persistent recommendations.

Peter's brain begins to reason about what he can look at the TV or look at the wall. Making an (illusory) choice between the wall and the TV, Peter, of course, chooses the TV. At the same time, Peter will end his reasoning here. The choice has been made, the choice is logical - watching TV is better than watching the wall.

This choice did not include his wife’s suggestions, because it is difficult for our Peter to take advantage of them. this moment, instead of this boredom, he made an illusory choice in which he chose what he wanted (or considered necessary) to do.

IN in this example you can see how a person loves to create excuses for his weakness. The brain will always find and tell us the Choice Without Choice of what is simpler and easier, but it will not necessarily be the best solution from all possible options.

When we make a decision, we often, instead of looking at the whole picture, can only limit ourselves to the fact that what we are going to do is better than something else and that’s all (as in our example with Peter).

Let's now consider an example with a girl named Tanya.

The girl Tanya loves milk chocolate very much, but at the same time she wants to go on a diet. Chocolate and diet are not very compatible, which means our Tanya will have to make a choice. It would seem that Tanya can either continue to eat her favorite milk chocolate and forget about the diet, or go on a diet and forget about her favorite milk chocolate.

Instead, Tanya may, having contrived (and made an illusory choice), go on a chocolate diet, i.e., without making any real choice from the initial decisions, still make a completely different choice, which in truth could lead her through certain time to diabetes.

Alternatively, our Tanya can, without bothering too much with the real choice, find a random article in a search engine that chocolate does not interfere with the diet at all and, with a smile on her face, begin to actively lose weight with chocolate in her hand.

A person encounters a real choice that does not suit him, closes his eyes to it and finds, out of nowhere, an unknown solution that may have nothing in common with the real situation.

Cunning parents sometimes say to their child: “Will you do your homework before lunch or after lunch?”

They only give him a choice about when to do his homework, without allowing him to accept independent decision about the need to independently complete your own lessons.

From similar situations“light suggestions” very often grow long and branchy roots and roots.

IN further man says to himself that “I will do the work tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, well, in general, someday - I have a choice - a whole week!” The week is coming to an end, and not a single Decision has been made from the rich Choice.

Many would be surprised to learn that they very often act exactly like Peter and other people from our examples.

A person needs to solve some problem, but very often, instead of a direct and obvious solution (which he knows and is absolutely sure that it is correct), he begins to create illusory alternative (more often than not meaninglessly opposite) versions of this very choice, or even go into complete confusion. different choices with new data and options.

And then you get endless dilemmas between NEED AND WANT (followed by freezing in place without any progress), when you just had to start doing something with DO, but think carefully about I WANT.

The Right Decision is very often indeed Choice, and Choice is always EITHER OR.

A real choice always involves the loss of something else, albeit a minor one, but a loss. Very often this relative loss of what is the victim of the right decision is what frightens people initially, leading them astray.

“If there is something bad, then its opposite is necessarily good!”

There is a Good Right Decision that does not need reverse polarity, because it can lead you to an average choice that will no longer be 100% good.

As the saying goes, “You don’t have to be NOT stupid to be smart.”

Everyone knows that being smart, healthy and happy is very good and everyone wants it, but wait... I am sure that each of you can easily name the advantages of being stupid, sick and sad (for example, “life is always easier for a fool” , “people who are sick and sad are often given sweet and pleasant sympathy”, etc., etc.).

Why do you need an illusory second pan of scales where it is not needed?

To be happy or not to be is NOT a choice.

Happiness, wisdom, health - these are all unique right decisions!

Why do you need negative energy where you don’t have enough positive energy yet?

People are sure that when they are lazy to get up in the morning, they can show willpower and get up. But think for a minute... what does a person endow Laziness with? in this case quite a lot of energy, he has a lot secondary benefits, excuses and fixations on this Laziness. He just needs to solve the problem of what makes him lazy, so as not to constantly cause himself in the morning a strange choice between I Want and I Need (where I Need will be “I don’t want to get up so early, but I have to go to work”, and I Want will be “I want to continue sleeping”) , I don’t want and won’t go to any job”).

After all, constantly making such a choice, a person will eventually stop loving his work or study, because it constantly forces him to abandon the “I Want” and step over himself, realizing the “Need.”

Completely healthy and rational person who knows what he wants, knows where he is striving and knows why he is doing something; he does not need to force himself by willpower to get up in the morning, he already knows that this is required for his life and calmly (or even with pleasure) stands up with a smile on his face.

It’s not for nothing that people say “He who gets up early, God gives to him.” The essence folk wisdom just by observing those people who get up early and easily, because they are always successful, cheerful and focused on success.

You can become aware of any hidden influences and incomprehensible (sometimes automatic) decisions. If something is affecting you, you may well become aware of it and remove the influence of it. The idea of ​​a hidden influence that you fundamentally cannot understand is an invention of people who do not wish you well at all.

If you are too lazy to get up in the morning and it puzzles you, think and find specific reasons for this, at least be aware of them, so that you do not confuse yourself that work or study is completely bad, most likely, there is a much more common reason for morning laziness (for example, an annoying workplace situation or some angry person)..

The law of life is that a person can find out everything that is truly significant to him and that can influence him. Otherwise, it cannot influence him in principle.

There are no “black forces” that you cannot feel, explore, see and realize;

you can discover the nature of all that whoops and creaks at night if you just go and look.

If you are constantly faced with some ridiculous choices, instead of calmly making the right decisions; deal with this chaos of scattered little things separately, consider both sides of the choice - decision, think about what makes you think about the other (“dark”) side of this choice. Don't deny something, just solve it and stop confusing yourself and confusing such good man How are you on the right track!

Remember that it is never too late to find your own path and your right decision in any situation, the main danger is the fear of turning back and telling yourself that the world that you built for yourself was illusory and prevented you from seeing things as they are In fact.

Incorrect choice often plays a fateful role in our lives. Due to the impossibility of predicting subsequent events, our fate depends on luck. If that’s what we can call a series of events that satisfies us.

One wrong decision deprived Michael of everything.

One ticket for the magnetic rocket, I said. I was offered a lottery ticket for change and I decided to accept. “Perhaps I’ll be lucky today,” I cheered myself up and went to seats.

In the rocket cabin, I gave the ticket to the controller. They announced the start of takeoff and turned on the gravitational fields on the seats. I was immediately pinned to the seat. A slight creaking sound was heard when the first one was turned on. magnetic field. The engines started working and now we have already accelerated to six hundred kilometers per hour. Such overloads of the body are harmful, but this is the most quick way will cross to the other hemisphere.

The shaking and grinding of metal will not spoil my great mood. Now that I quit my job, I can finally spend more time with Sarah. We will definitely get married and have two children. I will work as a gardener. With the current fashion for landscaping houses, this is a very profitable business. A lottery ticket added hope for a great future.

An hour passed and I arrived in my hometown. I hope that Sarah will support my decision. I took the Skytrain as it's the fastest way to get to the top of the city. Getting off at my stop, I decided to have a snack with my favorite hot dog and at the same time see my old acquaintance. He was a chef in a small establishment fast food. It's hard to find a great eatery with Earth food on Venus these days. When Ben flew here and opened this small establishment, his business took off. Here, everyone who arrived from Earth lacked their usual, native food.

Ben has always inspired me. I wanted, like him, to make this planet a little similar to my native one. Delivering earthly vegetation and greening Venus has been my dream since the first day of my arrival. But I had to look for another job and put my dream on hold until better times. I started mining minerals in mines. This job was clearly not right for me. Soon I met a girl and fell in love with her. Love brightened my days. I was waiting for the moment when I could finish my previous job and live happily together with her.

After chatting and eating, I left the diner. Now he was heading straight home. The blue roof of my home is already visible. My heart was pounding with impatience. I missed Sarah...
She wasn't there. After searching on the second floor, I decided that she had gone to get groceries. While I wait, I can cook lunch. As I approached the refrigerator, I noticed a note. After reading it carefully, I froze.

Briefly, she wrote that when she flew to Earth she met an old friend. After spending a lot of time she fell in love with him again, but did not want to break my heart. Knowing about my arrival, she boarded a ship to Earth today.
I was desperate. I didn't know what to do. Having taken some things, I decided to fly back. I moved away from this house. There was a pub on the way to the station. Despair pulled me there. Having forgotten myself a little for a while, I again followed to the station. It's already night. The short way lay through the streets, not the brightest. Suddenly I felt something at my back.

Give me the money! - said the masked stranger. I didn't resist. He took my wallet and disappeared into the darkness. I didn't care anymore. I mindlessly continued to walk towards the station. Going out into the field (since Magnetic rockets are located outside the city), I remembered the lottery ticket that they gave me as change. Taking it out of my pocket, I discovered that I had given it to the conductor by mistake. Now I was holding in my hands a ticket for a magnetic rocket. Now I could go back. I just had to wait for rocket number 327, which is heading to my place previous job. Approaching the station, I heard the words of the dispatcher.

Three hundred and twenty-seventh is on the way - I’m lucky, I won’t have to wait long.
I decided to once again make sure of my “luck” and see if I really had a rocket ticket in my pocket. Trying to see the piece of paper in the darkness, I heard a strong roar: somewhere a building began to collapse. I turned around. It looks like 327 will never arrive. Control is lost. She rushed straight to the station, and nothing could stop her! I started running! Fell! Turning around, I saw the nose of the rocket right in front of me! This was the last thing I saw...

The session is over, the announcement sounded. I took off my holographic helmet, got up from my chair and headed towards the exit. It was already dark and cool outside. “Every year the films become more and more realistic!” I thought and headed home.

How to make the right choice?
When we need to take some important decision, we tend to hesitate, think about it for a long time, weigh the pros and cons, consult with relatives and friends. This delay in making a decision is often caused by the fear of making a mistake and then paying for your wrong choice. Have you ever asked yourself: what is a right and wrong choice?

Many people view the wrong choice as one that leads to problems and undesirable consequences. Of course, there are alternatives that are initially unconstructive and destructive in nature, but you don’t consider them, do you? When you decide whether to go on vacation at sea or go on an excursion tour, you don’t know in advance how your trip will turn out? We tend to think in terms of “right” and “wrong” if our choices have brought negative experiences and problems. , because there is hope that another alternative would be better, more interesting and easier.

Let's return to the example with a vacation, let's say you chose a vacation at sea, but it turned out that most It was raining on your vacation, and you also seriously injured your leg. What thoughts come to mind? I think I won’t be wrong if I say that you regret your “wrong” choice and think that if you decided to go on a sightseeing tour, your vacation would definitely be a success. Where does such confidence come from? Why do you think another alternative would be better? After all, this is an untraveled path, and accordingly we cannot know how the situation would have turned out; perhaps the decision to go on an excursion tour would have turned into a real disaster for you!

It is always easier and more comfortable for us to blame ourselves for making the wrong choice than to admit the fact that any choice can bring both joy and misfortune. Many people ask me how to make the right choice? Be honest with yourself when making a decision and remember: we will not know how our lives will turn out after our choice until we take the first steps in its direction. Right and wrong choices are self-deception , there is only true choice when you choose something for yourself based on own desires, preferences and views, but there is a false choice that comes from false motivation, opinion imposed from outside, public expectations and requirements.

If you want to learn how to make good decisions, you will find it helpful to read my article, where I offer 5 valuable ideas to help you in your choice.

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Perhaps for someone it will be on time and will help a lot!

Today, a certain student unexpectedly wrote to me, wanting to take part in the Audio Scientist project. However, he didn't start by describing his strengths and explaining why we should take him on the team. He started like this: “ I dare to ask what essentially, besides “Audio expert”, you do, and what is the likelihood that I will finally change completely not interesting work, where I am “forced” to work, and will do what interests me..)»

This alarmed me. It seems that the person himself does not yet know what he wants, but he is already beginning to understand what he does NOT want. Therefore, my question followed - what exactly is he interested in and what are his plans? It turned out that the young man was studying at a university to get a diploma that would open the way for him to go “abroad.”

This is his plan to achieve... WHAT? Abroad? Then why study for 5 years for this, especially since you don’t like the work? But why! To go abroad and earn much more there and live more comfortably there! That is, money will ultimately give everything. This is the goal. But a profession is not a goal. The profession he chose is a way to achieve his goal. This is actually a profanation. So it is impossible to become a good specialist and enjoy what you will have to do later. And apparently doubts had already crept into his mind...

Now, if you love boxing and train at home, on the street, go to the gym, and are sincerely interested in boxing, then you can become a good boxer. But you can’t get a boxing diploma and think that now you are an honored athlete. You just have some qualifications. If you can’t imagine life without boxing, then you are a boxer! And if you trained because it’s fashionable to be a boxer or they pay a lot for it, you’re a layman who goes to work as if he’s doing hard labor.

And so I tell the student. You declare openly that you don’t like it... And this is a 100% guarantee that even if you somehow manage to implement your plan of finishing your studies and going to work abroad, it will not bring satisfaction. But it will bring dependence on money. For the sake of them, his goal, he will work at a job that he does not like. He won’t even be able to quit, because he will be afraid of losing his prospects in tomorrow. He will hold on to his worthless job with all his might because his goal is not to become someone, but to earn money. His choice is not a profession. His choice is money, which gives everything else. Very simple.

This is how most Russians live. They are not happy that they once chose something they didn’t want for the sake of money, but now it’s cuckoo. The train left…. Now all I have to do is wipe my pants on my ass until 6:00 pm while sitting at work, which although it brings in money, sometimes even big money, it doesn’t bring joy. And there is no happiness in life. Incorrect choice!

If you were wondering how to make the right choice, this is well described in the lecture “Success in Studying”.

P.S. In general, we don't need people on our team who see their goal in this $$$ wrong way. Today they are nearby, and tomorrow a different amount of money will force them to quit the project without a second thought. There may not be many people on our team, but I am confident in them!