How can a director deal with a conflicting employee? How to resolve a conflict with your boss

All adults most spend their time at work, then their father-in-law in the team. Often our workplace becomes home, and you often have to communicate with employees and colleagues much more often than even with the closest family members. It is clear that in view of such constant and long-term personal interaction, the possibility of the emergence of a wide variety of conflict situations that can really turn life into a real nightmare is not excluded. And the work you love, to which you devoted yourself completely, may no longer bring that joy at all; a quarrel can even overshadow the joy from serious successes and achievements. Conflicts at work are a fairly common occurrence, so it’s worth figuring out how to behave in order to prevent this from happening, and if the problem cannot be avoided, how to get out of it with honor and maintain good friendly relations with employees.

Path of least resistance: relationships with work colleagues happen different

Conflict situations in the workplace, as the saying goes official statistics, arise quite often, and it happens that it is hardly possible to stop the cause of the conflict, and also, as is understandable, its consequences immediately. All people in the world are different and it is not at all surprising that the reaction to communication with some is fundamentally different from the reaction to others. Good and friendly relations with colleagues are a delicate and unreliable path that you need to learn in order to make your life and work as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.

Need to know

World famous psychologists are still inclined to think that the ability to get along well with people is a special gift that you can develop yourself, and your future career, and, consequently, your destiny may well depend on it.

However, many people think that relationships at work with colleagues should be built in such a way as to avoid any tense topics, and skillfully maneuver between the icebergs of human misunderstanding, or even worse, but such an opinion is wrong. The thing is that sometimes clarifying relationships, and maybe even work issues, simply requires conflict, and avoiding it is not at all a way out of a difficult situation. It is extremely important to be able to distinguish a situation when it is worth walking away from a quarrel, and when it is possible and even necessary to enter into a confrontation with colleagues and co-workers.

This is precisely where the whole solution to the problem lies, and it is worth understanding that your attitude towards a person should be clearly differentiated and determined whether it is destructive or constructive. If you are angry about inappropriate hair color, nationality, age, nose length or foot size, then you should realize that your complaints have no basis in reality.

At work, you are not obliged to communicate with anyone, for any reason, except for work issues, so this is just the first thing you should understand for yourself. You definitely don’t owe anyone anything, but your colleagues have exactly the same rights so that you don’t dictate to them own opinion, worldview, and in general, they also don’t have to smile at you. Conflict at work between women can have particularly harmful consequences. , after all, no one expects anything from them serious problems, and reconciling angry representatives of the fair sex is much more difficult than men.

First things first: how to avoid conflict at work with colleagues

Doctors can confirm that it is much easier to take preventive measures and prevent a disease than to treat it later, and the psychology of relationships in a team is also a branch of medicine. Therefore, the optimal solution for any person would be such a model of behavior at work, when conflicts can be avoided as much as possible. Moreover, there is nothing overly complicated about this at all, so let’s figure out how to avoid conflicts at work and make your life much easier and more enjoyable.

• It’s worth making sure that you really enjoy your work and that it brings you joy and satisfaction. Often, quarrels and swearing arise precisely where people are simply busy with something other than their own business; they may not be satisfied with the absence career growth, unsatisfactory wage, and so on. Therefore, even at the employment stage, you need to find out all the details, and in addition, it won’t hurt to get to know your future colleagues.
• You should never think that the only correct point of view is your own. Even if you are definitely a highly professional specialist and know exactly what’s what, be prepared to listen to various points of view, perhaps they will find a rational grain worthy of undoubted attention. This is especially true when your colleagues’ opinions are radically different from yours. If there is a conflict at work with a colleague professional issues, then it can be perceived as a working dispute and search optimal solutions, no more.
• It is imperative to thoroughly understand the range of your responsibilities, which are dictated by your job description. True, it is not at all impossible that you will have to help someone with something, or carry out the boss’s personal directives, but you should never be allowed to sit on your own head.
• When demanding something from people, do not forget that you yourself must meet your own high criteria. That is, under no circumstances should problems with a colleague at work be resolved by rudeness, rudeness, nagging, and so on.
• There is one more rule, which we voiced last here, but it is very important, so you cannot lose sight of it. Idle gossip, slander and talking behind your back are exactly what you should never take part in. Immediately put in your place everyone who is trying to unsettle you by telling lies about your colleagues, and then this problem will go away by itself, or rather, simply will not arise.

What to do, if there is a conflict with a colleague at work: conspiracy or paranoia

It is clear that it also happens that conflict and tense situations simply cannot be avoided, and sometimes we simply look for help even when the quarrel has matured and is about to crack or grow to the scale of a thermonuclear attack. To understand how to get out of a conflict at work in such a situation, you should think ten times, because it’s very easy to ruin everything, and whether something will be restored later is not at all known. Often the conflict ends in simple alienation and reduction of communication to the resolution of purely business issues, and this is the most optimal way out. But in the most serious situations They may start rude to you and even set you up, and then you will definitely have to do something to get out of the problem with honor.

1. Never and under no circumstances can problems with colleagues at work be resolved by swearing, shouting and rudeness in response to such behavior. You should not get involved in a quarrel, yell or wave your arms. A cold and distant response will be enough, and you will not lose face, and your offender will most likely be confused, because all his behavior is aimed at causing an emotional outburst in you.

• If it was not possible to avoid an open quarrel in public, then “sucking up” the details after the fact with colleagues is strictly not recommended. There is no need for this lengthy washing of the seeds, since it will not benefit anyone at all.
• There is no need to be afraid to talk about the current situation with direct management. However, this is a way out of the most difficult conflicts, when you are openly set up, bullied, and so on.

Worth remembering

For those who work in large companies, you need to know that specifically for resolving conflicts in a team, there is special service, which is called compliance. Just find out if you have something similar at work and feel free to apply there.

Lessons from professionals: how to survive in a team and remain yourself

However, it also happens that conflict situations can arise not only with colleagues. It is much more difficult to understand how to resolve a conflict at work if your opponent is also a boss or direct manager. The situation is aggravated by the fact that your personal career, professional growth, and so on may depend on this person. First of all, you should understand that you cannot shout back, throw accusations in your face, or swear.

Silently listen to the tirade to the end, and then quietly leave, closing the door behind you. Left alone, it’s worth thinking about whether the manager’s accusations are groundless? Maybe you really should reconsider your own attitude towards work? Before figuring out how to resolve a conflict at work with your superiors, you need to think ten times about who is right and who is wrong. It will not be difficult to distinguish the signs of a constructive conflict, but anything that goes beyond this is nit-picking.

• Only yours can be discussed professional activity, but not appearance, moral character, Family status, nationality and so on.
• If you have repeatedly received comments on the same issue, then there is a rational grain in this, right?
• Other colleagues often express dissatisfaction with your work, skills, and actions.
• The boss prefers to scold and reprimand for misdeeds in closed office, and not in front of all colleagues.
• The manager openly points out that your actions or decisions and actions negatively affect the activities of the entire company or enterprise.

How to resolve conflict at work with direct guidance

If, upon closer examination and analysis of the situation with your superiors, you realized that, by and large, you still have at least a share of the blame, then you should think about correcting your own mistakes as soon as possible. However, it happens that the director simply did not like you, and he begins to find fault. Then it will be very difficult to get out alive and healthy, figuratively speaking, of course, and get by with little blood. How can you understand that you are being “persecuted” intentionally and undeservedly?

• Not only your professional activities are subjected to constant destructive criticism, but also personal qualities, appearance, nationality, age, gender and so on.
• You regularly hear reproaches and reproaches, and on the most insignificant, and generally not related to work issues.
• If the manager raises his voice, he is not at all embarrassed by the presence of other colleagues.
• When you ask to point out errors, but never receive specific wording.

Exit with honor similar situation can be unbearably difficult, and it may well happen that you simply have to go in search of new job. This option cannot be discounted, but you shouldn’t endure endless nagging and undeserved accusations for the sake of a decent salary, otherwise life could turn into real hell, and this is not an option at all.

Never yell back, your aggression will cause a response explosion of emotions, even more powerful and destructive. Finally, I would like to repeat the words of one famous cartoon character, who believed that the most important thing is calmness, and only calmness! Never lose face, this is important, both for your relationship at work, and for your own psychological, and mental health along with it.

09:50 14.12.2015

Any conflict at work can be neutralized with the help of certain speech techniques that will not only extinguish negativity, but also lead to fruitful cooperation. Psychologist Marina Prepotenskaya offers techniques for resolving conflict situations.

Life without conflicts, alas, is impossible: in business, in everyday life, in personal relationships. Conflict (translated from Latin as “clash”) is almost inevitable between people and its cause is often mutually opposed, incompatible needs, goals, attitudes, values...

Someone eagerly gets involved in a communication war and tries with all his might to prove he is right and win the conflict. Someone is trying to get around sharp corners and is sincerely perplexed as to why the conflict does not go away. And someone calmly neutralizes the problem without aggravating it and without wasting energy, strength, and health.

We should take it for granted: there were, are and will be conflicts, but either they control us or we control them.

Otherwise, even a minor situational conflict can develop into a protracted war that poisons life every day... Most often, the conflict manifests itself in verbal aggression, since experiences and emotions are always strong muscle clamp, and especially in the area of ​​the larynx.

As a result - screaming, inadequate reaction, severe stress, emotional involvement in the conflict, all more of people.

Learn to resolve conflicts using simple situational speech techniques. In relation to the boss and a colleague of the same rank, different strategies are chosen, but you need to act solely according to the situation. Remember the suggested methods.

Neutralize!

• Awareness of conflict:first and most main stage neutralization. Learn to rationally assess the situation. At the moment when you realize that a conflict is brewing, do not involve emotions under any circumstances, leave the line of attack. If the situation allows, leave the room for a while, even if you are in the boss’s office. If etiquette allows, you can calmly add: “Sorry, I don’t speak in that tone” or “We’ll talk when you calm down, sorry.” Walk down the corridor, wash your face if possible cold water- to neutralize aggression within yourself, switch to a series of abstract physical actions, at least for a couple of minutes.

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• Pattern break: eIf a colleague or boss shows aggression towards you, use a simple sensory switching manipulation. “Accidentally” drop your pen, cough, you can say something completely abstract, for example: “It’s so stuffy in our room...” So aggression does not achieve its goal.
• Agree and... attack with questions! This is one of the ways to break the conflict pattern when accusations are thrown at you from the lips of your superiors, and, alas, not groundlessly. Agree on all points (here it is important not to overact and control your emotions). And then... ask for help. Say: “It’s hard for me because...”, “I’m very worried, tell me what I need to fix,” “give me advice,” etc. Ask for clarification open questions that require a detailed answer - they save the situation.
• Complementarity works wonders. Is the person, for one reason or another, against you? Consult with him on work issues, appealing to his competence, professionalism (look for all his strengths). It is quite possible that the incident will be resolved very soon.
• Sniper Technique:Pretend you didn’t hear and ask again indifferently. Use inin the event that one of your colleagues deliberately provokes you and openly offends you with some phrases. As a rule, a person begins to get lost. Say: “You see, you can’t even clearly formulate your complaints or explain them. When you find the words, then we’ll talk face-to-face.”
• Time to drink tea! Really,many conflicts can indeed be reduced to nothing through a conversation over a cup of tea. With a colleague who you think dislikes you, the best thing to do is to have an honest conversation and ask a series of questions. For example: “What about me irritates you? Voice? Manner of speaking? Clothes? Weight? Come on.Let's figure it out." This is how the conflict is translated into a constructive direction. and, in the opinion psychologists, this is the most civilized way of behavior. In that situation, if we feel that they dislike us, it is useful to find a convenient moment and have a heart-to-heart talk. Most often, this is how conflicts completely exhaust themselves, and in some cases we also learn to analyze our mistakes.

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• Hit the enemy with his own weapon.You can explode in response and achieve a visible victory. But the result will be the same: instead of neutralization, there will be a chronic, protracted war: it is unlikely that you should spend time and effort on this. They can be directed to resolve the conflict.

Do not provoke and warn!

It's no secret that often we ourselves are to blame for conflicts. For example, you didn’t manage to submit an important report on time. In this case, it is best to approach your boss at the beginning of the day and say: “I understand that a conflict may occur, but such and such a situation happened to me.” And explain the reasons.

Such rhetoric can prevent the start of a “war.” Since the cause of every conflict is some incident or irritating factor, try to figure out what is happening, and in any situation (be it relationships with management, “ordinary” employees or subordinates) adhere to the golden rule of conflict management “I-statement”.

• Instead of blaming, convey your feelings. For example, say: “I feel uncomfortable” instead of: “You are nagging me, you are disturbing me, you are gossiping, etc.”
• If this is a showdown, say: “I’m worried, it’s difficult for me,” “I feel discomfort,” “I want to understand the situation,” “I want to find out.”
• It is very important to adapt to the experience of the person who initiates the conflict. If this is the boss, say the phrases: “Yes, I understand you”, “This a common problem", "Yes, this upsets me too", "Yes, unfortunately, this is a mistake, I think so too."

It is extremely important to be able to listen and put yourself in a person’s place, to hear not so much what a person says, but to think why he says it that way.

In a boss-subordinate situation, a person can be brought to a rational level of communication by asking clarifying questions. This should be done if you are being picked on too much.

You are unfairly accused of being bad worker? Confidently launch an attack with questions: “If I’m a bad worker, why are you telling me this right now?”, “Why am I a bad worker, explain to me.”

They tell you that you did a bad job - ask what exactly you didn’t do, clarify: “What exactly did I not do, I want to figure it out, I ask you: answer my question.” Remember that the one who asks the questions controls the conflict.

Complementing the image

Remember the main thing: in any conflict situation you must radiate calm. This will help you:

• confident intonation; Avoid notes of arrogance and irritation in your voice - such intonation in itself is conflict-generating. With those colleagues with whom you, for one reason or another, do not maintain friendly relations, choose a neutral-distance method of communication and a cold tone without deceitful sincerity (and without calling);
• a moderate rate of speech and a low timbre of voice are most pleasant to the ear. If you are talking to a person who does not have sympathy for you, adjust to his intonation and manner of speaking - this is favorable and neutralizes the desire to conflict;
• A glance at the area between the eyebrows in a conflict situation discourages the “attacker.” This optical focusing suppresses aggression;
• a straight (but not tense) back always puts you in a positive mood and gives you confidence. Psychologists say that straight posture increases self-esteem!

...It's no secret that conflict can be provoked by behavior, manner of speaking, dressing, lifestyle - the list goes on and on. All this depends on the worldview, upbringing of a person, his tastes, life attitudes and... internal problems.

In addition, there are words and topics that can ignite chronic conflict: politics, social status, religion, nationality, even age... Try not to touch on “sensitive” topics on fertile ground of conflict. For example, in a society of women with problems in their personal lives, it is advisable to brag less about their ideal husband...

You can create a list of warnings yourself by carefully assessing the atmosphere in the team. By the way, if you hear harsh phrases towards yourself, put your emotions aside, do not connect to the energy of the aggressor - simply ignore him.

Do you hear outright rudeness? Leave or neutralize, breaking the pattern.

Criticism to the point? Join in, speak words of support, if the situation allows, switch to complimentary language.

Unnecessary nitpicking? Go on the attack with clarifying, open-ended questions.

But the most important thing is to achieve inner peace. And, of course, never allow yourself to be drawn into “friendship against someone.” Show confidence, increase self-esteem, work on yourself - and you will be able to neutralize any negativity directed at yourself. And, what’s more, you can enjoy your work every day!

Read at your leisure

• Anatoly Nekrasov "Egregors"
• Eric Berne "Games People Play"
• Victor Sheinov "Conflicts in our lives and their resolution"
• Valentina Sergeecheva "Verbal karate. Strategy and tactics of communication"
• Lillian Glass "Verbal Self-Defense Step by Step"

Photo in text: Depositphotos.com

I work in budgetary institution municipal employees for more than 11 years. 4 years ago there was a conflict with the head of the department in which I work (this person conflicts with everyone in the institution, “goes over their heads” to achieve his goal and has already survived more than one person), but once with this boss I had normal work relationship. it all started after her daughter was admitted to our institution, who tried to act like a mother. And after my daughter’s next prank (she insulted her colleague with obscenities), my boss came into the office and began blaming everyone, saying that they were unfairly insulting her daughter, etc. And I said only one phrase: “Do you think that your daughter is right?” Then I saw lightning in the eyes of the boss and from that moment I became an enemy. She began to eat me up, driving me to hysterics and sick leave. Seeing all this, the head of the institution stopped all this (at that time I turned out to be pregnant). But due to the unfavorable work environment, there was a threat of miscarriage and I was placed in a department where I spent 4 months ( sick leave) and then successfully left for maternity leave, and then on leave to care for a child up to 3 years old. I was away from work for 3.5 years. During this time, the head of the institution changed, with whom my boss had a long-standing (since her youth) loyal relationship; the department in which I worked was liquidated; reorganized all employees by department; I was transferred twice to different departments without following the rules labor legislation and in the end, I found myself again under the leadership of a person with whom I once had a conflict. After going to work, my manager insults me, kicks me out of his office, does not respect my rights, they did not provide me job description, does not provide an opportunity to get acquainted with regulations(letters, recommendations) that are not on the Internet, twice in four days she wrote me a memo addressed to the manager saying that I was not fulfilling my “responsibilities”, she ignored all my questions related to work, she turned not only the manager against me , but also a team that is still susceptible to its influence. I went to the manager with a request to transfer me to another department, but the manager ignored my request, saying that she was happy with everything. I have been on sick leave for 3 weeks now, should I go to work tomorrow or should I write a letter of resignation? I have two children and began to have health problems due to this type of work. I see that nothing positive will budge for me, but my mother says - be patient, someday justice will prevail. but is it worth it?

Answers from psychologists

Elena, I understand your anxiety and condition. Working in such an environment is really difficult. But you don’t write anything about what grounds your desire to work in this particular institution and team. It often happens that people go to work out of necessity, out of hopelessness, as they say. And then, indeed, the work itself does not evoke any inspiration, desire to improvise, be creative, show one’s abilities, or grow. This attitude also affects productivity itself, relationships in the team, etc. And this is very noticeable from others. They are also uncomfortable with such employees, not to mention their superiors. Therefore, your personal attitude towards your work is primary state, which further determines how others perceive you. Think about it, start with yourself. Do you like what you do, are you interested in further personal development in this area, what else would you like to learn, what is your contribution to the life of your team.....? Eat objective reasons manager's dissatisfaction with you: you for a long time were not included in the work rhythm, you now have to catch up, you have retained the memory of the past conflict (and there may also be lightning in your eyes)... If you are really interested in what you are doing, redistribute the emphasis from blaming others and focus on their nagging, to constructively resolve conflicts and engage in self-development. If what you do does not bring you pleasure and does not inspire you, do not deceive yourself and those around you. Understand what you dream about and go towards your dream. Best wishes to you!

Unless you're a lucky freelancer working remotely for yourself or a stay-at-home mom, you probably spend most of your time at work.

Your office, study, enterprise is a space in which you put your soul. Colleagues are people who often know more about you than your family.

There is even such a criterion of happiness when a person wakes up and happy to go to work.

And, conversely, an unpleasant employee or a quarrelsome boss can poison your life and discourage you from doing what you love.

What to do when conflicts with management at work lead to stress?

How to figure out why the change of teams and employers from time to time - invariably either one of the colleagues is doing harm, or the boss is caught with the same set of unpleasant qualities?

Unexpectedly, reincarnation helps to find answers to these questions.

Meet the boss

Irina was a good real estate sales specialist, and therefore she was not surprised by a sudden call with an offer to move to a new agency.

But what really came as a complete surprise, that same evening Albina herself arrived at Ira’s office and aggressively suggested: “I need you to come to work with us starting Monday.”

Both the salary and working conditions were attractive. And Irina herself had long dreamed of changing her place - the current boss was narcissistic and scandalous, she no longer had the strength to tolerate her.

But she couldn’t agree to the proposal right away: “I don’t have a finished project, I need two more weeks, otherwise I’ll let people down.”

Albina could have found dozens of other agents of similar level in their city of two million, but fortunately for Irina, she agreed to wait.

Incomprehensible feelings in the soul

Irina was extremely pleased with her new place of work. Albina, despite the fact that she was five years younger, handled the matter very skillfully. The entrepreneurial spirit and energy of the boss was admired.

As a competent psychologist, she selected an excellent team. The team was friendly, Ira was received very well. It was as if she herself had been transformed.

In addition to eternal affairs, there was time for hobbies and sports - new colleagues kept company both at corporate events and at gym, and even going on vacation together.

Ira and Albina had a lot in common - they shared views on the principles of work, life, men, and both raised their sons alone. All of Irina’s proposals for projects immediately found support and were implemented.

But, after about six months, the idyll began to crumble. Increasingly, flashes of irritation began to run between the director and her new agent.

Ira caught dissatisfied glances and could not understand their reasons.

Sometimes Albina began to pick on little things, bringing the conversation to a raised tone, and expressed some unfair claims.

After such outbursts, the boss could pass by Irina for several days, pretending not to notice her, without answering the usual morning greetings.

Such relationships tormented Irina. By nature a non-conflict person, she could not make up her mind and bring Albina to a frank conversation, to sort things out.

And since there were no complaints against her regarding the work itself, it means that something personal is irritating the boss. But Ira was not comfortable continuing to work in such an atmosphere.

For her, who keenly senses the mood of those around her, it was a burden to wait every day, and suddenly today “the headmistress is in a bad mood again.”

Past life with the boss

A friend advised Irina to turn to reincarnation memories: “What if your claims against each other stem from a past life?”

Since Ira couldn’t come up with other options for solving the problem, she agreed to a regression session.

While immersed, Irina remembered herself in the 16th century. A Persian teenage boy lives poorly with his disabled father. The son is the old man’s only support.

At the request “to see a situation that affects the relationship with the boss in the current incarnation,” pictures came last day that life.

That day he worked to buy at least some food for him and his father. And in the evening, tired but happy, with a knapsack of food, he makes his way home through the outskirts.

Suddenly he is overtaken by a gang of robbers on horseback. Their leader - arrogant, self-confident, feeling his strength and impunity - demands that the boy give up his bag of food.

Irina, recalling this situation from the inside, felt unprecedented indignation and awakened pride and rebellion, surprising for a frail teenager.

And she also realized that at that moment standing in front of her was not just the leader of the robbers, but the soul of her current boss.

The young man refused to obey. In response, I saw a contemptuous, crooked grin and an order to punish him. The robbers attacked the defenseless boy, took his things and beat him. They beat me long and brutally, until death.

When Irina's soul left her tormented body, she felt an incredible bitterness and regret.

Why was it necessary to resist in this unequal struggle when the outcome was obvious? Who will take care of father now? How will he survive without me?

Forgiving the offender. Transformation of relationships

From the point of view of the soul, it was a clash between two proud natures. For both the boy and the experienced robber, the main thing was to insist on his own. One demonstrated his strength and power, the other refused to recognize this power and obey.

The tragic ending of the skirmish left its mark on the interaction of two souls. And in their present life, subconsciously, Albina and Irina felt this imprint. The boss experienced the need to clearly define social roles, affirming “I’m in charge here.”

Her irritation is an unspoken hint: “Don’t cross the line between friendly attitude and familiarity."

And Irina, in turn, experienced resistance coming from her past life. I often replayed phrases in my mind that questioned the director’s authority: “After all, I’m older, more experienced, I could also manage the agency and even better!”

What kind of experience did these souls live? For Irina it was lesson in humility and pride, recognition of someone else's strength and knowledge, acceptance of one's own social role. Albina’s soul came into joint incarnation twice, helping Irina become wiser.

Remembering that the boss had once caused her death, Irina did not become embittered. On the contrary, realizing that this was just an experience that made it possible to understand an important lesson, she sincerely forgave the soul that had become close to her.

And this forgiveness was enough for relations with Albina to improve. Sudden outbursts of irritation have disappeared. Irina did not hear any more complaints addressed to her.

The boss began to call her often to consult on projects and development of the agency. And when Albina had changes in her personal life, it was Irina who became the one with whom she shared it first!

It may seem like magic to remember the reason for a bad relationship in a past life, “understand and forgive” and everything will work out. But in fact, this is a very serious work of the soul!

There is, but they do not always help untie the knots of grievances. In this story, Irina’s soul sincerely accepted her lesson and forgave. The result was a healed relationship with her boss.