What does silence mean in a relationship? When is silence killing your romance?

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) says in a hadith narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with them): “ Let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day speak good or remain silent!” (Imams Bukhari and Muslim).

The Almighty created us with two ears so that we listen more and one mouth so that we speak less. Prophet Suleiman (peace be upon him) said: “If speech is considered silver, then silence is gold.” Knowing this wisdom, a person still prefers chatter.

It often happens that we regret what we said. This problem can arise for any of us. And a word spoken without thinking can play a cruel joke on us and turn against us. At that time, a word not spoken at the right time can play a greater role than an unnecessary one accidentally thrown out.

So what can be achieved by silence?

Silence creates many meanings. It can shed light on the essence of a conversation or cover it with a veil of darkness. The correct use of silence is the greatest art, a talent not given to everyone.

It was not for nothing that the Favorite of the Almighty (peace and blessings be upon him) spoke little and preferred silence. His silence was reflection.

Silence can serve as evidence that we are deeply interested in what the other person is saying. The ability to listen wins over your interlocutor.

It can also show that we have good self-control and will not engage in a conversation that could have negative consequences.

Silence helps us understand the deeper meaning of what is being said. The master of his position is the one who hears and knows how to shut up in time.

Silence distances us from sin

Let us note the fact that when going to communicate, people very rarely talk about objects, the weather or religion, for example. Most of the conversation concerns individuals and their circumstances. We often strive to judge others and not notice what is happening in ourselves. As they say, we are judges to judge others, but lawyers are ourselves.

Allah Almighty said: “ ...and don't speak evil of each other! Would any of you want to eat the meat of your deceased brother?! (After all) you feel disgusted by this! »(Surah Al-Hujurat, verse 12).

Maintaining such a conversation is not only bad form, but also one of the great sins.

In the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), transmitted by Jabir, it is said: “ Beware of blasphemy. Verily, the sin of blasphemy is greater than the sin of adultery "(Ibn Abi ad-Dunya).

It would be best for a person in such situations to tactfully remain silent, showing with a gesture or facial expression that the topic is not interesting.

Chatterbox - Satan's favorite

People who have nothing to say are always looking for ways to learn how to speak. You rarely meet a person who knows how to learn to remain silent - more often we simply do not ask this question. Meanwhile, silence can help us avoid many troubles in our lives.

A person with an unrestrained tongue deceives, boasts, is a hypocrite, speaks obscene words, argues, extols his own self, scandalizes, distorts reality, etc.

Numerous troubles come from the tongue. And Satan encourages a person to do this. And those who are excessively verbose cannot hold their tongue and often, without thinking, say anything.

The Koran says (meaning):

﴿ لا خَيْرَ فِي كَثِيرٍ مِنْ نَجْوَاهُمْ إِلا مَنْ أَمَرَ بِصَدَقَةٍ أَوْ مَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ إِصْلاحٍ بَيْنَ النَّاسِ وَمَنْ يَفْعَلْ ذَلِكَ ابْتِغَاءَ مَرْضَاةِ اللَّهِ فَسَوْفَ نُؤْتِيهِ أَجْرًا عَظِيمًا ﴾

« And in most secret conversations of people, conversations and hidden thoughts there is no good, because evil grows in secret. But if their secret conversations are devoted to good deeds: almsgiving, reconciliation between people - then this is a good deed. And whoever does it in order to receive the favor of Allah and His mercy, to him Allah - glory to Him Almighty! - gives a great reward in the immediate life and in the future ». (Meaning: Surah an-Nisa, verse 114).

Silence is a barrier from everything bad

Every time we criticize or condemn someone, we automatically give our good deeds to the person we are talking about, taking away his sins.

Long silence is a person’s safety from many unnecessary situations into which he may find himself.

Silence protects us from disputes and bickering, from curses and ridicule, from divulging secrets, from false promises, deception and much more.

Silence indicates absence of stupidity

Silence is reasoning, showing respect, freeing thoughts for reflection and remembrance of Allah, and also preserving oneself from unnecessary conversations. This is a sign of seriousness and wisdom. The longer a person remains silent, the more wisdom increases in his heart. Note that the most intelligent people are always silent. The hadith states that " Silence is wisdom. But few people follow it "(Al-Bayhaqi).

And if someone says that silence is not always a sign of intelligence, then let him know that silence is at least a sign of the absence of stupidity!

Danger of words

The source of all rumors is a person. And he, having said just one word, can rise before the Almighty to many degrees, as well as fall, causing the terrible wrath of Allah. Therefore, a person needs to weigh his words.

One man came to the sage and asked:

- Do you know what your friend told me about you?

“Wait,” the sage stopped him, “First sift what you are going to say through three sieves.”

- Three sieves?

- Before you say anything, you need to sift it three times. First, through the sieve of truth. Are you sure what you say is true?

- No. I just heard...

- Very good. So you don't know if it's true or not. Then we will sift through the second sieve - the sieve of kindness. Do you want to say something good about my friend?

- No! Against!

“So,” the sage continued, “you are going to say something bad about him, but you’re not even sure that it’s true.” Let's try the third sieve - the sieve of benefit. Do I really need to hear what you have to say?

- No, this is not necessary.

“So,” the sage concluded, “there is no kindness, no benefit, no necessity in what you want to say.” Why talk then?

1. If you have planned to do something and talked about it, the likelihood of successfully completing things decreases. A person without iman has envy, selfishness, and the evil eye in his heart. Think about who you are telling it to or be completely silent.

2. From the time of night prayer to morning prayer comes the time of ignorance: the words spoken at this time and the decisions made can be greatly regretted the next morning. At this time, it is recommended to especially monitor your speech or remain silent. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) strongly recommended going to bed immediately after night prayer, without getting into conversations.

3. A wonderful practice to test whether your speech is harmful to yourself is to open your mouth only for thanksgiving. Every time you want to express negativity, complaints, criticism, etc., either remain silent or reformulate this thought into a positive one - into gratitude.

4. Mindfulness in speech will help significantly improve the quality of your life. Speak in such a way that both you and those around you benefit from it. At first it is difficult, so you will have to learn to remain silent - not to express negativity out loud - this is the first step. The second is to see the positive in the negative. The third is to say something positive about it.

I wrote this article, first of all, for myself and chatterboxes like me, to warn against many mistakes. The above does not imply absolute silence. Being always silent and giving monosyllabic answers can show us as a limited person. On the contrary, you need to talk, communicate with people, but be able to shut up IN TIME.

We draw conclusions and reflect.

Sometimes we remain silent to protect our relationship, but often it only creates distance between partners. In relationships, partners “play the silent game” when they experience anger, disappointment or any other negative emotions towards each other.

Why you should pay attention to your partner's silence

Short periods of silence that usually lead to regular dialogue can be a positive thing. From time to time we all need space to “clear our thoughts” and silence helps to do this. But if these periods of silence become longer and more frequent, it is a potential catalyst for the deterioration of the relationship. The reason is that effective communication is the most important component of any successful collaboration.

1. Inattention and misunderstanding

A typical scenario: one partner feels bad about the other's actions and tells him so directly. However, in response he receives either silence or a downplaying of the problem. He is told that he has got it all wrong, or that he should not take the problem too seriously. When this behavior by one partner becomes too frequent, and one or both partners tend to remain silent, it begins to slowly destroy the relationship.

Experts offer several tips that can prevent communication difficulties when you decide to discuss these issues. The first recommendation is to refrain from texting to discuss the problem in your relationship. The reason is simple: text messaging cannot convey body language or intonation, which are the main components of effective communication. Secondly, it is important to choose a place to talk that will not distract you. Being alone with each other without potential distractions increases the effectiveness of the interaction and also encourages eye contact. Third, you should try to practice empathy. Keep in mind that while you don't have to express your agreement with your partner if it goes against your beliefs, you should show your understanding and willingness to engage in conversations no matter how difficult it is.

2. Hostility

Hostility in relationships is a proven intimacy killer. Hostility often arises from one partner's negative actions (real or perceived), lack of responsibility, or inaction in a situation that requires intervention on his part. When this behavior is repeated despite discussion of problematic issues, one or both partners begin to feel quiet resentment.

To solve this problem, you should try to understand your spouse and discuss why he or she behaves this way. Perhaps your partner's behavior has a specific purpose that you are not aware of. Ideally, there should be a mutual agreement, which may require compromise from both of you.

3. Sexual dissatisfaction

When one or both partners feel that their sexual needs are not being met, the topic is often hesitant to discuss. The reasons for feelings of dissatisfaction may vary, but usually the problem appears due to insufficient frequency of sexual intercourse or its absence.

But regardless of the reasons for the feeling of sexual dissatisfaction, it can become a serious test for a relationship. For example, if a man is faced with this problem, he may begin to consider the topic of sex taboo or unnecessary and not even try to discuss it. In addition, he may actually be afraid that admitting the problem will hurt his partner's feelings.

Despite this understandable hesitation, this problem does require a solution. Sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship, and it can fall apart without a healthy sex life.

4. Subtle disappointment

Disappointment with the person you love is a very difficult feeling. In fact, some relationships end due to unexpressed disappointment in others. What makes this problem even more difficult is that one or both partners do not want to acknowledge these feelings. As a result, they find it excruciatingly difficult to understand and articulate any disappointment towards their partner.

First of all, you need to admit to yourself that your partner has disappointed you, and feel it fully, before telling the other person about it. This will actually free you from the pain that will appear if you accumulate grievances and disappointments in yourself, because they all relate to the person you love.

5. Lack of trust

A lack of trust in your partner often results from past betrayal or neglect by your loved one, and this experience carries over into the new relationship. Although this lack of trust manifests itself in new relationships, it can manifest itself later in the form of suspicion.

Regardless of the reason, choosing not to discuss mistrust in your relationship will sooner or later lead to tension between you. It is highly likely that the relationship will deteriorate, which may lead to a breakup.

If you're suppressing important feelings to avoid upsetting your partner or for other reasons, it's important to acknowledge your unmet needs and work on the problem until you find a solution. To overcome suspicions that stem from past experiences or traumatic events, professional help is often needed. In other cases, having an honest conversation with your partner can also help you get rid of the jealousy and suspicion that undermines your trust in your loved one.

“It’s better to remain silent, don’t say anything, everything will somehow be resolved by itself!” – how often do we say these words to ourselves when we want to avoid conflict. And we hang in silence for a long time, as if we are falling into the abyss of alienation. This dangerous game can drag on for weeks, months, and sometimes years. What is the danger of silence and why is it the worst option for resolving a conflict? Let's speculate...

Firstly, silence is a breeding ground for negativity.

does not yet mean the absence of thought, that is, mental silence. Because no matter how much a person wants to isolate himself from the situation, he cannot order his thoughts not to enter his head. Sooner or later they appear there, accumulate there and, without being subjected to careful analysis and selection, grow and multiply to gigantic sizes (from flies to molehills, you know). More than one bitch has grown from the fertile soil of silence. They create huge mental blockages, dark mysterious corridors, rushing into which, a person turns into a creature easily controlled by darkness.

Silence is the most favorable environment for dark demonic entities who simply adore it, bathe in it like in a boiling cauldron, grow fat and gain strength. At the same time, a person also sometimes experiences pleasure from collecting dirt inside himself and sees in this the special charm of negative pleasure. You tell him: “Stop grinding sawdust, forget and forgive me!” Where there! Don't come near me, I'm offended once and for all!

Therefore, the most insignificant quarrel, which could be resolved at the same moment with simple explanations, swells inside to unimaginable proportions and one day falls on the head of an unsuspecting opponent, seemingly out of the blue. In fact, all this is a natural result of silence.

Secondly, silence does not solve the problem

Silence does not resolve conflict. It drives it into the depths, into the subconscious, so that someday there will be an explosion. The unresolved one also manifests itself on another level: illness, mental disorders, stress, suicide, etc. And the problem itself, even hidden in silence, attracts related problems. One, two, three, until a person begins to choke from their abundance. Negativity attracts negativity, and off we go in geometric progression. Therefore, sometimes it is really better to speak out sharply and immediately, and maybe even fight (depending on the degree of tension and temperament), than to keep it all to yourself.

Thirdly, ignoring is psychological murder

Silence is ignoring, fencing off from the problem and from the person and, in principle, humiliation. “Yes, why talk to him. He still doesn’t understand anything and never will!” This attitude is very difficult for people to perceive, because a person is a social being and self-identifies only in contact with other people: in communication, in conversation. When he is artificially deprived of this opportunity, he suffers, falls into a state of absence of himself, experiences uncertainty, depression and humiliation. “I am nowhere and my name is nobody.” After all, silence means that he was rejected, pushed away. Some inventive manipulators use ignoring to destroy a competitor. Because at this moment he is most weakened. Depressed and almost killed by demonstrative silence, he makes mistakes more often and becomes the subject of additional negative evaluation. Not only from the side of the one who executed him by ignoring him, but also from those around him. Well, it just makes your heart bleed to watch... And you wouldn’t wish to be in his place on your enemy.

Fourthly, the silent woman is collecting shelves

There is another dangerous side of silence. It lies in the fact that during “silence” a person becomes gloomy, withdrawn and unhappy. Moreover, this happens in both directions. And the one who suddenly fell silent, and the one against whom the silence was started. They walk, are silent, hid in their holes, locked themselves with a hundred locks. Do you think they have a sweet time there? Of course not. So they crawl like cockroaches, in search of something to profit from and where to find a society of grateful listeners, sympathizers and admirers with supporters. This increases the number of unhappy, negatively-minded people, because more and more new participants are unwittingly drawn into the conflict. It’s hard to be alone in your silence, you need support. Sometimes such silent people create around them an entire army of those who in one way or another sympathize and participate in their silent war. Who listens to the reasons for military silent actions and sighs sympathetically. And who borrows pouty lips for himself and joins the vow of silence towards someone. It’s so nice to be silent with someone “good” against someone “bad”...

As you can see, this method of resolving human conflicts is completely unsuitable for harmonizing relationships, but only harms them.

A short silence is useful

But sometimes silence is very useful. Especially in the acute stage of a conflict, when a person is excited, when his brain is feverishly trying to find a way out of the situation and resorting to all sorts of protective means, sometimes not the best. And sometimes - downright dangerous for others. As a result of excitement, in a state of passion, a person can say a lot of unnecessary things, he does not think over the words, he says what has accumulated and is sore. Surely, he will later regret these words. Therefore, in such a situation it is better to remain silent and give yourself time to cool down. You will be able to calm down and find more appropriate and not at all offensive words in order to resolve contradictions.

However, verbal communication is still more useful for the parties to the conflict than silence. If before this the opponents were silent and the reason for the discontent and negativity was unclear, then after voicing everything changed, everything became more or less clear. That, in fact, is why conflict is needed. It exposes the problems. You just need to try to ensure that it is resolved constructively and does not grow into a problem with a lot of unnecessary words spoken in the heat of the moment.

People, especially in families, very often hide their desires and problems, thinking that it is not the time to talk about it or, believing that in this way they will maintain a good relationship and will be able to avoid the acute moments of a breakup. But the property of any negative is that it accumulates, we have already talked about this. Just like joy. If a person experiences happiness, he will never harm his neighbor. And vice versa, if you are negative, the negativity grows like a snowball and rolls towards everyone who did not have time to hide.

What is the way out?

You shouldn’t fall into silence for more than a couple of days. During this time, you will have time to calm down, think and understand everything, look inside yourself, evaluate your capabilities and desires, and understand the reasons. And with a cool head, tell about this to the person with whom a tense situation has arisen. If silence lasts for years, this is a sign of a large number of unresolved conflicts. A very alarming signal. As a rule, people who are involved in such artificial relationships are sick and unhappy, embittered and aggressive. And they flare up out of the blue for any reason.

When you set conditions for someone: “We will not communicate with you, and you will be happy! You have your own life! We have our own!” – this is not always happiness, especially between relatives. There will be no peace in this situation. It is an illusion that you will not influence the life of your neighbor if you ignore him, that is, remain silent. Very quickly people realize that creating a situation of isolation between close relatives is almost impossible or very difficult. People will still clash one way or another, and the pain of silence will widen the gap of inhumanity between them.

There are also some moral issues that need to be taken into account. Because if this silence drags on between the mother and adult children, even in the absence of direct conflicts and clashes, it deeply hurts both sides. Since it is impossible to break maternal and family ties.

So please don't be silent. You always have the opportunity, instead of remaining silent, to find the right kind word to break the vicious circle. Overcome yourself, humble your pride and hostility. Become a person, not a pillar of salt without a heart. Do not turn another person into a humiliated outcast, no matter how guilty he may be to you, because this is painful and cruel. And most importantly, it is inhumane and destructive for your own soul. Our task on this earth is not to isolate ourselves from others and live our lonely lives, but to find happiness, to give happiness to someone. And happy is the one who is respected, noticed, taken into account and loved. We become happy only by living in peace and harmony with other people and communicating with them.

I often regret what I said, but I rarely regret that I remained silent.

Joseph Addison

Silence is sometimes more significant and sublime than the noblest and most expressive eloquence, and in many cases indicates a high mind.

Pierre Buast

Silence does not always prove the presence of intelligence, but it does prove the absence of stupidity.

Francis Bacon

Silence is the virtue of fools.

He who knows how to remain silent hears many confessions; for who will reveal himself to a talker and a gossip?

Homer

A woman is graced by silence.

Gracian y Morales

Silence is the altar of caution.

Gregory the Theologian

It is better to remain silent than to say something bad.

Victor Hugo

Silence is the refuge of a simple soul that has experienced the full depth of human sorrow.

Albert Camus

To remain silent is to believe in yourself.

Effendi Kapiev

With silence you can not only say a lot, but also do a lot.

Thomas Carlyle

He who does not know how to remain silent until the time comes to speak and act is not a real person.

Confucius

Silence is a great friend that will never change.

Francois VI de La Rochefoucauld

If great art is required to speak out at the right time, then no small art lies in remaining silent at the right time.

For those who do not trust themselves, the wisest thing to do is to remain silent.

Sri Ramana Maharshi

What is silence? This is continuous eloquence.

Menander

Silence can be the most serious charge.

First of all, learn to hold your tongue.

Honoré Mirabeau

The silence of nations is a lesson for kings.

Michel de Montaigne

There is no answer more humiliating than contemptuous silence.

Charles Louis Montesquieu

Sometimes silence is more expressive than any speech.

Haruki Murakami

Lies and silence are two grave sins that have grown especially rampant in modern human society. We really lie a lot - or remain silent.

Pythagoras

Be silent or say something better than silence.

Alexander Pope

Silence is the polish of fools and the cunning of a wise man.

Publius Syrus

Always maintain moderation in both speech and silence.

It is better to remain intelligently silent than to speak stupidly.

The request is politely refused - silence.

Saadi

Sitting silently in the corner, biting his tongue,
Better than those who are not used to keeping their mouth shut.

Lucius Seneca

If you want people to remain silent about something, be the first to be silent.

He who does not know how to be silent is not able to speak.

Henryk Sienkiewicz

These mountains bear the stamp of special solemnity - they rise like walls on the border of life and death. Here, below, there is a city, a port, a dam, ships, trains, boats are moving - there is eternal silence. Nobody goes there because there is no need to go there.

Gennady Sergienko

Silence is the gold for which words are redeemed.

Solon

Silence seals speech, and timing seals silence.

Philip Stanhope

You must be able to remain silent about everything that matters only to you alone.

Rabindranath Tagore

The dust of dead words has stuck to you. Wash your soul in silence.

Theophrastus

If you are ill-mannered and silent, then you are well-mannered, but if you are well-mannered and silent, then you are well-mannered.

If you are ignorant and silent, then you are acting smart, but if you are smart and silent, then you are acting stupid.

Lev Tolstoy

People learn how to speak, but the main science is how and when to remain silent.

If you regret not saying it once, you will regret it a hundred times. that he did not remain silent.

Gleb Uspensky

Sometimes you can remain silent about many things.

Lion Feuchtwanger

It takes a person two years to learn to speak and sixty years to learn to keep his mouth shut.

Theognis of Megara

It is difficult for a reasonable person to have a long conversation with fools. But to remain silent all the time is beyond human strength.

William Hazlitt

Silence is a special art of conversation.

Anton Chekhov

The highest expression of happiness or unhappiness is most often silence; lovers understand each other better when they are silent, and a hot, passionate speech spoken at the grave touches only strangers, but to the widow and children of the deceased it seems cold and insignificant.

Nicolas de Chamfort

The silence of a man renowned for his eloquence inspires much more respect than the chatter of an ordinary talker.

Ecology of life: Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

Why are people silent

Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

How difficult it is to get into and out of situations of awkward silence. For example, when you come on vacation, sit in a rented apartment for daily rent in Odessa and try to find what to say to the girl you like of your mutual friends. What does silence mean for each of us? How does it affect our inner world and our relationships with people?

Five reasons for silence:

1. The person doesn’t know what to answer. He seems to go numb in this uncertainty. A person is silent when he does not understand the question or does not know how to respond correctly.

2. A person is silent because he does not know how to correct the current situation. Sometimes we come across people and understand: tell or don’t tell the person - it won’t help.

3. He is ignored. What if a person's behavior shows that you don't like him? This is worth thinking about. Maybe the person doesn’t want to help you and doesn’t know how to refuse correctly. In such situations, it is worth sorting out your relationship with him and speaking directly about your guess. What if everything is resolved and you become best friends?

4. The person is just tired. This is another reason why people are silent. Especially after a difficult and busy day of work, people are already emotionally exhausted and do not want any more communication.

5. Sometimes words are not needed. If we talk about silence, then it is worth considering the fact that sometimes we ourselves should remain silent. Silence with a friend is a completely different conversation. Sometimes words are not needed to support a loved one. This should also be remembered.

We are all different people. Some, due to weakness, excessive modesty, and perhaps even isolation, are not able to express their opinion. You should find the right approach to such people and not pester them with various questions and reproaches.

Remember that expressing your thoughts is the basis of psychological health. No one can read minds, so try to be more social. Then there will be mutual understanding among us.