How to survive a breakup. How to survive a breakup with a loved one? Psychologist's advice How to learn to live alone after breaking up

Each of us at least once heard painfully cruel words - "let's part." Yesterday, a dearly beloved, such a close person was happy with you, but today he decided to leave, destroying all plans and faith in a joint future. Despair, resentment, indescribable pain settle in the soul, gradually destroying it. Ahead of sleepless nights, inconsolable tears and the only question: "How to survive this moment, what to do next?".

It is possible to cope with the current situation, it is enough to make a little effort and finally come to terms with the fact that a loved one is no longer around. Almost all psychologists advise letting go of the departed, finding positive moments in parting. It's not as difficult as it might seem. Life is not over, it is just beginning, there are many more pleasant meetings and good impressions ahead of you.

Why is it so hard to get over a breakup?

When a loved one leaves you, you get a severe emotional trauma that is not easy to survive. Psychologists claim that the main reasons for such a reaction are:

1. True love - it is this feeling that inflicts the greatest wound, because a person completely surrenders to wonderful sensations, not even suspecting that the chosen one can do this. It will take a long time to come to terms with the loss, maybe even several years.
2. Strong attachment to each other - for many years together leave an imprint in the memory. It is extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that everything is over and the moments experienced will never happen again.
3. Fear of being alone - an abandoned person is very worried about this, his self-esteem deteriorates sharply. After parting, unhappy thoughts appear: “Suddenly, I will never be happy again and will be alone forever.” Such thoughts interfere with surviving the current situation, oppress and overtake a strong melancholy.
4. The desire to suffer - a person forces himself to experience various situations, listens to sad music, constantly remembering the joyful, happy days spent together. These thoughts return us to the past, which will never happen again. Such a state prevents recovery, depresses, causes severe harm to the psyche.

Experts are convinced that the departed is much easier to endure parting. This is due to his own initiative and deliberation of the decision. That is, for him this is a serious step, which he himself decided to take, weighed all the pros and cons.

Anger, resentment and anger are caused by the realization of the fact that the once loved one did not want to be there and continue the relationship. It is this moment that is very touching, delivering maximum suffering. Usually a man is calm and restrained, controls himself, does not show his emotions. He had long gone through the pain of parting when he decided for himself that he needed to end the relationship.

A woman is more emotional, she is inclined to create a family where harmony, comfort and mutual understanding reign. She puts her husband and children in the first place, their well-being, home comfort, and not her own happiness. If a woman is deprived of this opportunity, misunderstanding and feelings of guilt arise - “What did I do wrong, why did this happen to me?”

Experiments are more important for a man, he is always ready for changes and new relationships, so he most often leaves the family. He ponders his decision for years and at one point is ready to cross out everything. Even if the other half tries to soften the blow, there will be no less suffering.

There are times when a couple mutually decided to leave. Both people noticed that feelings have cooled, they have exhausted themselves. This situation obliges them to disperse, because people are unhappy together, so it’s time for them to look for new ways separately. If after a while love does not return, then the relationship should not be continued.

Negative emotions last about six months. The spiritual wound gradually heals and only occasionally makes itself felt. Soon, the abandoned person himself wonders why he was so worried, what was special about the relationship? A completely different story when it comes to a couple who has lived for more than 10 years. They are connected by mutual friends, children, relatives.

Former spouses in the first year do not even think about starting a new relationship. It seems to them that there will be no more happiness, and after a couple of years they realize how insignificant the problem was. Life goes on, the birds sing, the grass turns green, there is no more reason to suffer. This turning point is the first step into a new life. Women begin to notice the opposite sex, sympathy appears, and the pain of separation is dulled. At the sight of the former, there is no longer a feeling of resentment, the wound has almost healed.

To make it easier to survive the breakup, experts recommend a sober assessment of the situation, accepting it as it is. It is enough to let go of the past, expel the negative and find positive moments in separation.

Breaking up protects you from false feelings. No one needs a relationship that has been exhausted for a long time. Indifference on the part of the chosen one will bring even more suffering. Now you know people better and understand life. It is necessary to treat the problem as another test that fate presented. If this happened, then you are on the right track and happiness will soon overtake you.

Separation is easier to survive if you follow these tips:

• Let go of the past - if a person decided so, he had reasons for that. Understand that the beloved must be allowed to go. Yes, it will be painful, difficult, insulting, but it is important to get any thoughts about the past out of your head, forbid yourself to even remember that time. It's not easy, but it's possible;
• Rid yourself of negativity - this feeling is bad for health in general. You need to forget about resentment, pain, hatred that burns from the inside, Throw away all thoughts about the person who trampled your soul and heart. Memories only harm, cause new tears and a wave of disappointment;
• Convince yourself that happiness is “just around the corner” - you can’t lie in bed and shed tears, you need to understand that a breakup is the end of a relationship, but also the beginning of something new. It is important to believe that you can still be loved. Enjoy simple things, believe in miracles;
• Communicate - do not avoid acquaintances, walk with friends, go to visit relatives. Communication and support of loved ones helps to cope with any grief. Tell them about your feelings, share your experiences, open your soul, and relief will surely come.

It all depends on you, draw conclusions and continue to live.

How to recover after a breakup if the relationship was long

A marriage that lasts for many years most often breaks up due to betrayal, cooled feelings or mutual misunderstanding. It is very difficult to survive such stress, because in addition to love, there is also attachment, a habit. Our subconscious refuses to accept the situation. On a psychological level, we cannot imagine life without a loved one.

But, this is exactly what needs to be done - to accept, to cast aside all illusions, to learn to live independently. It is not necessary to completely forget a person, it is enough to let him go and accept the gap as a given. To make it easier to accept a breakup, refer to proven methods:

1. Change your appearance. As psychologists say, a cardinal reincarnation helps to recover. You can change your wardrobe, hair color, haircut, throw away all the old things and buy new ones. Go to the salon, any girl feels calm and at ease there.
2. Get a pet. An affectionate cat or a playful dog cheer up, eliminating the feeling of loneliness. You will know that someone is waiting for you at home, and your pet is always glad to see you back.
3. Go in for sports. Regular exercise or a morning run returns strength, energy and good spirits. If you keep yourself in good shape, you will feel confident and attractive.
4. Read. Positive literature changes the view of the world, gives good emotions, inspires. Choose classics or psychology. With the help of the book, you can reconsider the situation, evaluate the behavior of people in various situations, forget about disorders, learn to build life in a new way.
5. Shopping. Shopping helps fight stress, having a positive effect on the psychological state. You will be distracted from what happened and will be able to survive a difficult time much easier. Even better, go to the store with your girlfriends.
6. Start the renovation. Changing the interior has a good effect on the emotional state. You have the opportunity to radically change your life and living conditions. Change everything from wallpaper to furniture so that nothing else reminds you of your loved one.
7. Diversify your leisure time. Do not withdraw into yourself, go to public places. Cultural development gives inspiration, brings you closer to the beautiful, spiritually develops. No need to stand in one place, improve.
8. Take a trip. New places allow you to experience unforgettable emotions. A long trip gives you the opportunity to reflect, to see that somewhere life is in full swing, it continues, no matter what. Analyze why a loved one left, what needed to be changed, and how to avoid mistakes in a future relationship.
9. Meet new people. Now more than ever, you need communication. Organize a party, have fun and relax. This method allows you to return the desire to live.

Coping with a breakup is not easy, sometimes you have to completely change your habits and worldview. It is important to understand that nothing can be returned, you will have to live differently, without that person. Stop looking for someone to blame and stop blaming yourself. Forget about it soon. Perhaps later you will become friends, but now it is useless. The main goal is to realize what happened and learn to live independently.

Forgive all offenses, accept the decision of the second half, get rid of anger and hatred. All you need to do is accept, because there is nothing to return. Put not commas, but bold points, then reconciliation with the situation will come faster.

Our expert - psychotherapist Tatyana Nikitina.

Belated epiphany

“Suddenly” no one leaves. In the heat of the moment, after a quarrel, at the peak of emotions, a man grabs a jacket and runs to a friend, a woman collects a bag and goes to her parents. In fact, such couples do not even think of dispersing - the percentage of reunions after such "family hurricanes" is very high. As you know, “darlings scold - they only amuse themselves”: the ties between them not only do not collapse, but also become stronger. The main thing is not to turn this into a system.

The most unfavorable according to forecasts (that is, putting an end to family life or existing relationships) departures are not made in haste, but only on a sober, cold head. The decision has matured, all the pros and cons have been weighed, and an escape plan has been prepared. It remains the case for small things - to inform the now former half.

Often, psychotherapists hear the same phrase from these same “former” ones: “After all, everything was fine with us, what did he (she) lack?”

These words are repeated by an experienced housewife with a long history of family life, and a young spoiled lady, and a malicious jealous man, and a faithful husband, and a loving father. By the way, Anna Karenina's husband, who considered himself one of the latter, was sincerely surprised by his wife's ingratitude and asked himself the same question, not even realizing that his wife considers him a "machine" and she lacks such a small thing as ... Love. This textbook example once again proves how far people living nearby can be far from each other. What for one is earthly happiness, for another is whim, licentiousness, something unworthy of attention.

We have to admit: parting does not happen due to the short-term insanity of one of the partners. There are weighty reasons for that, which for the time being the other half simply does not know. Alas, the one who does not listen enough to his partner and does not try to understand him (or he simply has no time, or maybe he is not interested), one day may find himself alone.

“I felt that we were not made for each other,” says Galina, a pretty, intelligent woman in her fifties, “but we have children, a family, and I would never destroy our relationship. And he did it and went to another.”

The situation is typical. A woman most often seeks to save her family, a well-established life, a familiar environment. A man is more prone to experiments and even adventures, he is not averse to conquering new heights ... Therefore, if the relationship does not suit both in some way, it is he who is the first to break.

Period or comma?

A short standard phrase sounded. And then - heartache, shock, confusion, guilt ... And at the same time - resentment, anger, hurt pride, especially when it turns out that the reason for the divorce was a love relationship with someone on the side. Those who have experienced a breakup at least once in their lives will surely call the moment after a breakup one of the most difficult periods in their lives. Without exaggeration, it can be considered a real mental trauma.

Sometimes in a protracted one, when mutual reproaches and misunderstanding accumulate, it seems to both spouses that the best way out of the impasse is a divorce, but even in this case, “drawing the line” can be very painful. What can we say about those who consider their relationship with a partner, if not ideal, then at least tolerable.

Many psychologists working with couples believe that the biggest mistake that is made in the first moment after is the desire to do everything possible - persuasion, threats, promises - to try to return him / her as soon as possible. This ill-conceived, impulsive movement seems correct at first glance, because “the train has not left yet”, something can be changed, corrected. But this tactic works only in the case of a “blackmailing partner”, when the husband / wife is not going to go anywhere and scares with a divorce if he wants to achieve something significant: the wife demands to move to an apartment separate from her parents, and the husband demands that his wife leave work and the birth of a baby. In the case of a thoughtful and pre-planned departure, neither tears nor persuasion will work, and threats can push for even more decisive action and will no longer leave the opportunity to establish normal relations after a divorce.

Psychologist's advice: what is impossible and what can be done after his / her departure?

It is forbidden

Chase, start endless clarifications - “why” and “who is to blame”, cut off the phone, write messages and fill up the email inbox with letters, watch on the street. Such activity will not lead to positive results. The one who is being pursued begins to feel like a "hunted game", so he tries to run away as quickly and as far away as possible. Remember self-love and pride. Some "departed" sometimes reconsider their actions and return. Only more often they return to those who do not forget about self-esteem.

Sprinkle ashes on your head and lock yourself in four walls, cherish your loss. It may well happen that what you think is the end, in fact, turns out to be the beginning of another relationship, much brighter and more significant. Wise people say: "When one door closes, another one is bound to open."

Stop caring about your appearance. , and the hairdresser and beauty salon - according to the schedule. As well as a solarium, gym, swimming pool and more.

Revenge for the wrong done, call his / her new passion, threaten or try to upset their relationship. Such actions will give ex-lovers an extra reason to establish themselves in the correctness of their decision to leave you.

Tell friends, neighbors, colleagues nasty things about the former. After all, they suited you when they were around.

Start a new romance immediately. Until you feel free from the old love shackles, while your heart still belongs to him (her), you will not start a truly warm and lasting romantic relationship.

Can

Do not pretend to be a "snow queen" or "tough macho", but live and feel the pain, resentment, longing. Let there be tears, do not be afraid and embarrassed, they help heal spiritual wounds.

Get distracted. Work will help, which, as you know, "saves us from three evils - boredom, idleness and poverty."

Experiment. Many women are advised to radically change the image, for example, turn a strict chestnut haircut into golden curls. Men choose different paths: one “ex-husband” completely changed the situation in the apartment after the departure of his wife.

Create. Have you ever dreamed of learning the guitar or dancing flamenco, but never had the time? The moment has come - immediately sign up for courses, find a dance studio. At first it will be difficult, but it is these difficulties that will distract from the experiences. And who knows, perhaps soon you will compose a beautiful lyrical song or express your love and hope in dance.

Find those who need help: take toys to an orphanage, bring food to an elderly lonely neighbor, take your mother or grandmother to the theater.

Go on a trip. A change of scenery always helps to cope with stress and provides an invaluable energy boost. In addition, it is during distant wanderings that wonderful romantic relationships sometimes arise, which - who knows? – can grow into something more.

“Forgive and let go,” as the song says. You won't be able to do it right away, but time heals. There will surely come a day when you will feel that you are letting go of the person who brought you joy and suffering. Simply because he does not belong to you, and you, in spite of everything, respect his choice and his right to live his life.

The situation of separation from loved ones is familiar, perhaps, to everyone. Many overcome this with a calm soul and quickly find themselves a new passion. And someone has to suffer for a long time. Because of this, the question: "how to survive a breakup with a loved one" excites many people.

Saying goodbye to a loved one is always painful. Emotional pain and apathy are true companions of separation. It is much more difficult to get used to this thought when you have already become emotionally attached, "attached" to another. How to easily survive parting with a loved one? The advice of a psychologist can help in this difficult matter.

Parting at the peak of feelings is tantamount to surgery without anesthesia.

Oksana NeRobkaya. Have a banker. Capital Love Story

Breakup Formula

Experts have deduced the so-called "parting formula". According to her, the initiator of separation leaves only 1/3 of negative emotions (resentment, bitterness, etc.) for himself, and the remaining 2/3 remains for the one who was abandoned. However, those who are still faced with such a situation are no longer up to calculations. Here to cope with their surging emotions.

In this case, the advice of psychologists will come in handy. They will help you calm down and build a clear plan of action, and will allow you not to fall into. Thanks to such advice, a person in a short time will be able to feel spiritual relief and open up to something new and beautiful.

Experts say that the period of experiencing separation can take up to three years - it all depends on the person's psychotype. How to survive parting with a loved one easily?

How to survive a breakup with a loved one: advice from a psychologist

Most of the recommendations have a clear structure. But it is important to understand that such a life situation is difficult for both sexes to overcome. And expert advice will vary.
Here are the most popular steps:

• Stage 1. "Splash out" your emotions outward.
  It would not be strange, but at first it will be more useful to suffer. Take a day off from work. Going headlong into business will not work - there is a chance of making a lot of mistakes. During this period, it is better to rest.

  It will be easier to survive a breakup after you mourn alone with yourself, take a walk alone in the park in the morning when there are not very many people, or cry and let your best friend listen to you. Such a process will allow you to "empty" and create space for new feelings.

  Now the main thing is to feel the situation. But here it is important to set yourself a strict deadline for "depression", otherwise you can fall into the trap of negative emotions for a long time. Everything is good in moderation!

• Stage 2. "Burn all bridges."
  Probably the hardest part. No wonder our ancestors said "Out of sight, out of mind." At first, it is especially tempting to call / write to the person with whom you broke up. Most agree on one thing - you need to get rid of everything that connected with your loved one.

  To begin with, it will be useful to delete all correspondence (SMS messages, dialogues in social networks). Adding to blacklists and unsubscribing from updates is also worth it. After a breakup, many people get rid of all the gifts of their loved ones - and in most cases this helps pretty quickly.

  But there are so-called force majeure circumstances. For example, you and your ex-partner work together. What then? Giving up what you love and looking for a new one is not an option.

  Try to avoid contact with this person for at least a month. Psychologists have proven that just such a period is able to develop immunity and subsequently it will be much easier to communicate.

• Stage 3. Don't give up moral support.
  It would be appropriate to consult a psychologist in this situation. Sessions with a specialist can easily replace evening gatherings with girlfriends/friends. This will help you gradually return to normal life.
• Stage 4. Appearance is our everything.
  In most cases, the pain of parting is reflected in the appearance. And not in the best way. Lack of sleep and stress instantly manifest in the form of dark circles under the eyes, a tired look. And many people forget about taking care of themselves. Hence the untidy appearance. Never forget about yourself!

  Competent makeup, hairstyle, manicure and a properly selected wardrobe must be present in the image of any self-respecting woman. And it doesn’t matter at what age the bitterness of parting overtook, at least at 19, at least at 40 years old.

Breaking up is a big thing.
It always seems to give more than it takes.
Sam Rockwell

It is generally accepted that the stronger sex is much less emotional than women. But this does not mean that men are not able to be bored.

To make it easier to survive this difficult life stage, first you need to accept this fact as a given. You broke up and that can't be changed. “Sprinkling ashes on your head” is not necessary, and it makes no sense to think what would happen if you acted differently. What can help men in such a situation?

What exactly NOT to do

Certain stereotypes have formed in our society. This also applies to how it is easier to survive parting with a loved one. In most cases, these tips only exacerbate the initial situation. Here are the most common "recommendations":

1. Instantly forget in the arms of another / other.
   The most popular and destructive mistake among people going through a breakup. It is possible that in the first moments it will become easier. But this is not a panacea for sadness. Subsequently, you will only drive yourself more into depression.
2. Look for salvation in alcohol.
   In addition to the fact that it is harmful to health, such a hobby will not bring moral satisfaction. As a result, in the morning you will wake up not only with the same thoughts, but also with a headache.
3. Disable all communications. Isolate yourself from society.
   Remember that your family and friends need you. Forget about them for a long time is not worth it.
4. To think that this is a temporary separation.
   It happened, and you need to accept this fact. Let this person go, do not hold a grudge or anger on him.
5. Don't fall for the tricks of your brain.
   Our mind is a complex and multifaceted thing. And, sometimes, when we don’t even want to think about something or completely forget, the brain can suddenly give us “lost” information.

After parting, memories from the past can very often pop up in my head: how good it was with your loved one. Actually, it's just an illusion. And there is no need to try to return something.

Switch to what you are really interested in in the present. Over time, these thoughts will either go away altogether, or will no longer bother you so much.

And what about after?

Above, we examined the main stages that will help women and men to painlessly survive a breakup. But what to do after these steps? Psychologists have a few tips for this question:

1. Find an interesting hobby for yourself. No matter how trite it may sound, but hobbies contribute to improving mood, as well as expanding the worldview. You will not notice how you will feel a surge of new strength and a desire to create something new and interesting. In addition, many hobbies will contribute to new acquaintances. For example, dancing is one of the most popular modern hobbies. With this activity, it is possible to kill “two birds with one stone” at once: keep your body in great shape and meet interesting people.
2. Change your perception. As already mentioned, do not rush into a new relationship immediately after breaking up. Separation also has its advantages. You will have time to think about your mistakes and what you can change in yourself. In addition, this is a great opportunity to understand more what kind of person you need for. You now have plenty of time to analyze your actions.
3. About the change of scenery. Very actionable advice. If possible, change your usual environment. Move to another city or country. Such trips help to conduct better introspection, and unnecessary thoughts are guaranteed to disappear from your head.
4. Plan out your life. Previously, you had common life goals and landmarks for two. Now you are alone with yourself, it's time to reconsider your views and priorities.

The worst part of a breakup is not the breakup itself.
And the fact that they constantly repeat to you that you made a mistake.
And as a result, you stop trusting yourself for a while.
Kristen Stewart

healing week

Today, among psychologists, the so-called 7-day plan is very popular. It is necessary to build a clear structure of your actions for the week, to drive yourself into the framework. Here is a rough plan of action to make it easier to survive parting with a loved one. And at the same time develop self-discipline.

1. 1st day. Start keeping a diary. A great way to express all your emotions. Write down your daily experiences. Over time, you will be able to trace the gradation of self-improvement. With each week, emotions will become more positive.
2. 2nd day. Give yourself a present. It doesn't matter if it's a trip to the hairdresser, a day at the spa, or a trip to an amusement park. The main goal of such a day is relaxation and pleasant emotions.
3. 3rd day. Review your diet and exercise. It is not necessary to go on a strict diet and spend days in the gym. Morning exercises will be appropriate, which will then become a habit. It is enough to start every day with 10 minutes of light exercise, and the flow of endorphins will rush into your blood. This clears your head of unnecessary thoughts, and you can focus on the really important things.
4. 4th day. Appearance. It has already been said above that the appearance should always be well-groomed. This gives confidence. After separation, the desire to take care of yourself often disappears. Overcome it and remember that looking great is a daily work that is necessary under any circumstances.
5. 5th day. Arrange a field trip. A small picnic will help you relax and put things in order.
6. 6th day. Spend time with friends. Don't lock yourself in. Communication will help not to lose heart, to be distracted.
7. 7th day. End the week with something fun. It doesn't matter if it's reading, cooking or watching TV shows.

As you can see, many of the advice of psychologists intersect with each other. Somewhere there are differences, however, they have the same basis.

Of all the tips, the following main points can be distinguished:

1. Put a bold point

This is a difficult step. Especially in the first month. It is necessary with a calm soul to let go of the person, and yourself too. To understand that life goes on and there are many new and interesting things ahead. It is important to recognize that from now on, you and your previous partner have very different lives.

2. Drive away persistent thoughts

Also not the easiest step. It is not worth falling into despair. You can mourn quite a bit in order to throw out your negative emotions.

At this stage of life, auto-training is useful. Praise yourself for any little things, admire yourself. Life is Beautiful!

3. Say no to hate

One of the most common mistakes is to hate the one with whom the separation happened. Yes, breakups are different. But anger is not worth it. This is a page turned, so try to let this person go by wishing him happiness from the bottom of your heart.

Forgive your ex / ex, because anger and hatred will become a real hindrance to new feelings. Reflect on your mistakes and do not blame your ex-chosen one.

4. You must understand that you cannot return the past

Constant looking back will only cause harm in the form of deep depression. It will be quite difficult at first. But, having overcome yourself, you will soon realize that living in the present and thinking about the future is wonderful.

Separation from loved ones is always sad. And for many it is very difficult. To the obvious question in such a situation, “How to survive parting with a loved one?” advice from a psychologist can provide an answer.

The end of a relationship is not the end, but the very beginning for a new life, new discoveries and adventures. Remember this and be happy.

Question for readers

How did you feel about parting with your loved one? Was it very difficult?

In accordance with which the initiator of the gap keeps only a third of bitterness and disappointment, while the other two-thirds go to the “abandoned side”. However, when relationships are cracking at the seams, we usually have no time for arithmetic: parting, even if it happened at your will, is either difficult or very difficult - there is no third way. Nevertheless, a clear plan and recommendations from psychologists will help you not to fall into a deep depression and survive parting with your loved one with minimal mental loss.

Step 1. Allow yourself to suffer

Yes exactly. The advice to "go to work", "distract" and "forget about this idiot" will not help you now - any relationship needs to be mourned. You will not demand instant recovery from a flu patient, will you? So let yourself “get sick” to your heart’s content: lock yourself at home alone with a chocolate cake, mourn under Adele’s tearful ballads, cry on your friend’s shoulder. In order for the pain to subside, it must first be accepted and felt. With one important condition: set a strict deadline, after which Adele's album will be replaced by something more cheerful, and you will move from tears and reflection to action.

Step 2: End the relationship

A difficult farewell took place, the i's are dotted, you have gone to different apartments - and yet you are still connected by many threads that remind you of your previous relationship and permanently drive you into depression. American psychologist Rachel Sussman, in her book on how to survive a breakup with a loved one, advises ruthlessly getting rid of all such “anchors”: delete SMS messages, unsubscribe from social media updates, and even buy new bedding. And supporters of the esoteric approach strongly advise, firstly, to burn "artifacts" (there are real cases when girls burned wedding dresses - they say it helps), and secondly, to return his gifts to the former lover, or at least sell or distribute them.

Step 3: Blacklist it

Even if you are forced to communicate with a former lover, try to completely stop all contact with him for a while. Including mail and sms. As the same Rachel Sussman states in her book “The Breakup Bible”, the optimal period will be a month - after this time you will develop “emotional immunity” and it will be much easier to communicate with your ex-boyfriend.

Step 4: Ask for help

Not necessarily a professional psychologist - although it would be very useful to contact one. Arrange a manicure evening with your friends, order pizza, watch a couple of funny films, go to karaoke together or even, like Carrie Bradshaw after her failed wedding, go on a trip - taking your friends, of course. Finally, a support group can be found without leaving home, among complete strangers: for example, a real girl from the USA named Katherine, who canceled her own wedding, created a whole blog on how to survive a breakup and called it SimplySolo. The site became incredibly popular and became not only an outlet for Katherine, but also.

Step 5. Be irresistible

In a joke that the worse things are for a girl, the better she should look, as usual, is only part of the joke. Still, it’s more pleasant to be sad with impeccable styling, fashionable makeup and (obviously!) in new shoes. And, of course, do not forget the rule: in any incomprehensible (read: unpleasant) situation, go ... to the gym. A good portion of endorphins will definitely not hurt you now.

Step 6. Find sources of joy

Bake a cake according to a new recipe, learn to weave braids, rearrange the furniture in the room - pleasant emotions can be found even in small things. It will be even better if you have the opportunity to please someone else: to sit with a friend's child, help a friend with repairs, and finally, bring a bag of groceries for an elderly neighbor. Even small good deeds will allow you to distract and cheer up.

Step 7. Review plans and goals

When there are two of us, we make joint plans, choose common guidelines and make numerous compromises. Now that the second variable has disappeared from the equation, it's time to revise it. The heroine of the sensational “Eat. Pray. Love” has changed three countries in search of a real self - an option, of course, is costly, but you can start small. Have you dreamed of visiting Norway for a long time, but put off this idea for later, since your lover did not recognize any other vacation than a beach one? Or did you hesitate to change your profession because your boyfriend convinced you that banking was your calling? Having decided to go beyond the usual framework, you will be surprised to find that parting brings with it not only bitterness, but also freedom - and it is up to you to decide how to dispose of it.

Partying until morning, watching TV shows for days in the company of sweets and alcohol, going to work, random change of partners are examples of destructive ways of experiencing parting. They do not solve the problem, but mask negative feelings, bury them deep. From the article you will learn how to properly survive a breakup with a loved one, so as not to go to extremes.

Men tend to hide and suppress experiences. teaches not to show emotions in public. Don't show if you don't want to, but let your feelings out on your own. Accept them within yourself in order to survive and never return to this. By the way, statistics say that men experience separation more painfully, although they do not show it.

Girls are easier and faster to experience parting, as society does not condemn the manifestation of their feelings. A woman is allowed to gossip with her friend, cry, shout. She does not need to suppress emotions, which means that they pass faster.

Chemistry of love

Begin the experience by understanding the chemistry of love. Love is hormones. Oxytocin is commonly thought to be the hormone of love, but there are actually five participants:

• Dopamine is a hormone of mood, performance, physical and mental activity, purposefulness. He forces to develop and develop relationships, to seek the object of love. Dopamine is produced when playing sports and eating fish, apples, bananas, green tea, eggs. So it's time to improve your figure with proper nutrition and training.
• Serotonin is the pleasure hormone. There are no general recipes here - do what you love. Of the products, you should pay attention to dairy products, turkey, strawberries.
• Oxytocin is the hormone of attachment. In addition to love, its development is provided by affection and warm friendships, a sense of security. Foods that cause the production of oxytocin are chocolate, avocados, bananas.
• Vasopressin is a hormone of tenderness and fidelity. It is produced during sex and is addictive to a partner. Just be aware that your current state is hormonal adjustment.
• Endorphins are hormones of joy and happiness, euphoria. It is a natural drug of the body, an analogue of morphine. Where to find a new source of joy: cardio, new experiences (exhibitions, movies, excursions), laughter, music, chocolate, sunshine. Food items include chili peppers, avocados, potatoes, milk, and beets.
• Adrenaline is a hormone that allows you to do even the impossible for the sake of a loved one. It is a hormone of energy, an engine. Adrenaline is found in extreme sports or extreme entertainment. But it's dangerous. Yes, and the separation period is stressful in itself. So there is an adrenaline rush. This energy must be used rationally.

How to mentally cope with a breakup

Recommendations on how to survive a breakup are the same for men and women. Breaking up is a stress that does not care about the difference between the sexes. The internal resources of the body are equally strained and depleted. Without an adequate release of emotions, tension will accumulate and spill out.

1. Note divorce. Organize a ritual farewell to the relationship. You can gather friends or do it alone. Visualize the relationship with some object, figures. Aloud say goodbye to this stage. It will be easier for the brain to accept and process the fact when you experience it as much as possible. This method is the most popular in psychotherapy. Start with this.
2. Let me leave. Forbid yourself to pursue your beloved (beloved). Do not guard at the entrance, do not call or write, do not go to pages on social networks. If you do not have a business relationship, then delete this person.
3. Don't lose your self-respect. By "chasing" and persecution, you will humiliate yourself. As soon as you feel that you want to look at the page of your loved one, get distracted. Go in for sports, read, talk with a friend, but just don't go in. This is a question and getting rid of. Naturally, in a relationship, both habit and dependence are developed. It's only hard the first time.
4. Avoid being the victim. Feelings must be accepted. Speak your emotions, state. Admit you are suffering. Describe what is difficult for you to say goodbye to. There is no such thing as a "man as a whole". You yearn for one or more elements. Specify them. Avoid with acceptance. This is destructive thinking. What not to do: feel sorry for yourself, blame yourself, do nothing. Yes, you feel bad, but you have to move.
5. Do not go to extremes, "zazhory", spree, hard drinking. Maintain tone and vitality. Think about the main life goals, priorities, guidelines. Avoid slavery - with an inadequate, destructive attitude to life, you endow strength and power to the one who left.
6. Get rid of boredom. You are sad, and that's okay. - a complex of negative experiences in response to the resulting emptiness. Fill the void with something useful before bad habits fill it. Write down your abilities, interests, and needs on a piece of paper. In the opposite column - the types of activities that correspond to them. Choose the option that is currently best by comparing current needs, interests and. Take care of this immediately. What it can be: advanced training courses, learning a foreign language, learning to play a musical instrument, losing weight, career growth, etc.
7. Find another source of happiness. By and large, you miss yourself in the “clothing” of happiness, and not the person. Understanding, lightness, inspiration, cheerfulness are the main feelings and states that accompany love. Think about where you can get all this: hobbies, work, friends, hobbies, social activities, etc.
8. Remember yourself. Relationships are work that takes time, effort, parts of the inner "I". The results of the work are encouraging, but something often has to be sacrificed. What did you sacrifice? What do you have time and energy for now? What have you been wanting to do for a long time? Ask yourself this and make a personal growth plan. But please don't grow up to spite the one who quit. This is effective, but bad motivation. So you continue to live for this person, with thoughts about him, based on his preferences and values. Learn to live to your advantage.
9. Don't let your confidence drop. Remind yourself of personal importance. Praise, compliment, talk about the virtues. Don't blame yourself for the breakup, don't insult yourself. Start the morning with a declaration of love for yourself in front of a mirror, wishes of success and compliments.
10. Avoid the provocation of a former lover, do not become a toy. Don't let yourself be baited and thrown again. Do not respond to jokes and rudeness. Follow the second item on the list - completely delete from life. Learn how to recognize and resist manipulation in the article.

Afterword

If you really want to, take a day to accept the breakup, to tears in the pillow, ice cream and TV shows. But not more than a day! And just allow, feel the control. And the next day, draw up and implement a plan for self-development, the fulfillment of your own desires. Go out into the world, find new acquaintances and love.