The guy disappears then appears. Why a man doesn't want a serious relationship

There are categories of men whose behavior defies logic and explanation. Women are especially frightened by the sudden disappearance of young people. Moreover, it does not matter at what stage their relationship develops - at the dating stage, they have been dating for a couple of months or have been married for many years. Such actions confuse a woman, forcing her to be at a loss, engage in soul-searching, and find ridiculous excuses and serious accusations. Why and where do men disappear? Who is to blame for this and what should not be done? Male psychology will help you understand these exciting issues.

The main reasons for the sudden disappearance of a man

Each woman reacts to the sudden disappearance of a man in her own way: some look for reasons in themselves, trying to get to the truth, others are more categorical in this matter, considering such actions cowardly and irresponsible. And there are women who simply exhale and wait for their husband to come to his senses and come back, not considering it necessary to understand such situations.

But these are all blind games! To give an assessment or reaction to what is happening, you first need to understand male psychology. Therefore, everything is in order: a man disappears without reason or explanation, what does this mean?

At the dating stage

This is how the man tried to get your phone number! So insistent on a date! Everything was quite romantic, easy, that in the end it even became a shame! Wait to take it personally, there is an explanation for everything:

If a man disappears after taking your phone number:

• I simply lost it, didn’t save it, mixed up the number, got my phone stolen;
• burned out (at that time he had a rush of euphoria, but by the evening it passed);
• I just wanted to raise my self-esteem by adding another number to my collection list;
• he already has a girlfriend;
• disappeared because he considered you an easily accessible lady, since you quickly give out your number;
• he just didn’t like your tone/manner of communication/manicure (everyone has their own cockroaches), and backing down was already awkward;
• personal problems (accident, someone’s death, illness, moving).

What to do in such situations? Absolutely nothing! If you didn’t save your number, believe me, the man will find a way out of the situation to find you. If something serious happened, he will definitely explain himself later if he remembers you. And if everything else - live calmly, throw the unnecessary things out of your head!

If a guy disappears without explanation after the first date:

• The sympathy that is needed for the development of relationships never arose. For this, appearance alone is not enough—outlook on life, similarity of interests, hobbies, and goals are important. In this case, do not despair. It’s better to immediately understand that you are not on the right path than to get buried in conflicts or misunderstandings later.
• The woman was too pushy and had actually already decided on their wedding date. They don’t just disappear from such individuals, they run away at breakneck speed!
• The guy dates several girls at once. And, accordingly, he will stay with the one who turns out to be closer, prettier, and dearer to him. Do not be upset under any circumstances - be glad that dishonest people have bypassed your life!
• Does not seek commitment. It happens: you are pretty, you speak smoothly, everything is to his taste, but he doesn’t want to continue yet. Maybe the man just got out of a previous relationship and needs to breathe out. Or maybe he's just afraid. Give him a couple of weeks - if he still doesn’t call, then there will be someone else.
• The man felt that he had already won you over, so he became bored. There are types for whom dates are trophies, steps where they need to feel like winners. They disappear especially often if the first date ends in sex.
• He is completely overwhelmed at work or personal life. And since you are not yet in such a close relationship to put you as a priority, he may simply spin out, postponing your communication. BUT! If you really hooked him, he would remember you!
• After the dialogue with you, the man realized that he simply would not be attracted to you. Neither morally nor financially.
• He disappeared because he made peace with his former flame. It may happen that your short communication coincided with their breakup, but they decided to get back together. Whether it happened on purpose or just this way, you shouldn’t worry about it anymore.
• Something happened to him or his family/friends. This is unlikely, but it cannot be ruled out. If you are really worried about this, look at his social networks - if life there is full of bright pictures and statuses, you can calm down.
• After the date, a holiday is coming. Yes, such men exist. They disappear so as not to give gifts, but after that they will definitely make themselves known. And whether you need such happiness or not - decide for yourself!

Even in the initial stages of a relationship, as you can see, there are enough reasons to make you wonder! So relax and let everything take its course. Experience his loss quietly, with dignity, without imposition or humiliation.

Dear girls, remember the most important rule: if a man disappears after the first date, it’s not your problem, but HIS. After a short period of time, there is a chance you won’t even remember it, so move on with a firm gait!

At the beginning of a serious relationship, when the couple does not yet live in the same territory

Your relationship is filled with romance - you wish each other good night, know your parents, plan a future together, meet mutual friends on weekends... And the man suddenly disappears without explanation.

What could be on his mind?

1. It seems to him that the relationship has nowhere else to develop. Everything is a dead end, the end. It’s logical, but the development is obvious - wedding, family, children. But no! We don't want to take responsibility!
2. The woman has become predictable and boring. By the way, this happens quite often, so women's magazines shout from all sides about how important it is not to lose yourself.
3. Doubts his feelings. Here the man disappears for about a week - during this time he fully comes to the realization of how dear you are to him.
4. Usual manipulations. A man does such tricks in order to teach his chosen one a lesson.
5. It seems to a man that you are not suitable for him or that the relationship is not developing according to the scenario that he has drawn for himself. Why didn't I understand earlier? He understood everything before, he simply delayed the decision, giving some imaginary chance to both of you. Then I got tired and saw that after all, no – you are completely different people.
6. It seems to a man that disappearing in silence is the act of a real male, for whom words are superfluous. Girls need to immediately adopt this trait, otherwise this will become the norm in later life.
7. He likes this adrenaline, passion, your angry look, stormy reconciliatory sex. Give your man more emotions, attend extreme sports, join role-playing games.

When a man leaves a seemingly happy relationship, step aside. The most you can do is write an SMS: “Hi, I’m worried, are you okay?” That's it, continue to live your life, without self-flagellation and feverish analyzes of your behavior.

When a man disappears without explanation in a marriage

Men, while married, disappear without explanation quite rarely, fortunately. But still, if everything was quiet and peaceful, according to the wife, and the husband suddenly left, slamming the door, there are clearly some serious problems!

What can make a man silently run away from his family?

1. The man has big troubles that do not concern his family. Yes, this is unfair to the spouse, because it is not her fault, but the fact remains a fact.
2. Another woman appeared. It hurts terribly when a man disappears in silence, giving preference to his rival. What is this - weakness, lack of upbringing or avoidance of responsibility to your wife? It’s hard to say, someone else’s soul is in the dark!
3. Crisis in family relationships. Every family experiences a period of “stagnation,” when spouses are overcome by misunderstanding, indifference, and everyday conflicts develop into one big drama. Then everything results in the man leaving the family for a few days to rest and recuperate. And it doesn’t matter where: a hotel, a garage, a friend, parents - the main thing is to escape.
4. Disappearance as a way to resolve conflict situations. Manipulative behavior takes place if the woman herself allows it. A man gets used to the fact that he can disappear in difficult situations and appear only when all the problems settle down on their own. And the wife will bear this in silence, because she will not want to start a new scandal, which will again end in leaving.
5. The husband is tired of his wife's quarrelsome nature. Constant reproaches, sarcasm in the voice, conversations in a raised voice. A man begins to feel that he is being ignored, disrespected, and used, so sooner or later his patience comes to an end.
6. Introverted man. It’s neither his nor your fault, he’s just the kind of person he is. From time to time he needs to be alone with his thoughts.

In fact, psychologists note that a man cannot simply run away from a harmonious, happy relationship without saying a word. The wife knows exactly the origins of the roots that caused the escape. I knew before, but I took the position of “my house is on the edge, I don’t know anything.” It is impossible to avoid problems, they will not resolve on their own, and the pose of an ostrich, which presses its head to the ground in any possible danger, sooner or later leads to the fact that someone simply loses their nerve.

A prosperous family requires work, effort, and frankness!

Why is it easier for men to disappear without explanation?

Really, is it really so difficult to look into the eyes and find the right words for your woman? It turns out yes!

1. A man disappears because he is afraid of accusations. Naturally, stones will fly towards the one who initiated the rupture. To accept these stones, you must have courage, strength, and inner core. That's the whole point.
2. Doesn't want an explanation. It’s too difficult to prove your point of view, debate, swear. It’s easier, simpler, faster to leave in English.
3. He was not taught to make decisions and be responsible for them. Such men are morally weak, they lack prudence, will, and determination.
4. For a man, it seems that everything is already clear, without words. It doesn’t matter that it’s actually illogical, everything is crystal clear in his head!
5. He disappears silently, thus avoiding scandals. Especially if his passion is distinguished by his temper or complex character. Men are very afraid of hysterics, screaming, breaking dishes, etc.

The most important and banal reason is fear. It is he who motivates a man to disappear for a month, to block a number, to avoid a woman, to avert his eyes when meeting. This behavior is alien to the fair sex. As it turns out, in this regard they are more responsible!

Typical female mistakes

Are you desperate, angry, worried, crying, ready to kill him? Wait, don't do anything stupid.

The man disappeared without any explanation as to how to behave:

• tear up his phone, bombard his text messages, no matter what their nature;
• guard at the entrance or work;
• pester his loved ones and relatives with calls and meetings;
• when meeting, humiliate yourself, apologize for all your (and not your) sins;
• threaten, blackmail;
• lose yourself, completely change to please a man;
• criticize or hysterically prove what pain the man caused with his vile act;
• pursue him, offer at least innocent friendship (why you need it is unclear);
• persuade him to meet periodically without obligations (you are digging a hole for yourself).

If you are in a serious relationship and are worried about the sudden disappearance of your chosen one, just call his mother or a mutual friend to find out if everything is okay with him. Complaining, harassing with requests, distributing control instructions for further actions is prohibited!

If you know that you have seriously offended a man, when you meet, apologize correctly and sincerely, without drama or other nonsense.

If people are married and a woman sees that her husband is having troubles at work, she needs to move away a little. Know how to feel your husband, empathize with him, but do it silently. A man is not leaving YOU, he just needs to step away in order to immerse himself in another area of ​​his life. Accept it.

The best thing a woman can do in a situation where a man suddenly leaves without explanation is to do nothing! If you impose yourself, you run the risk of pushing him away forever!

How to react if a man disappears and appears again

The man disappears, evaporates, ignores you, and then appears with words of love, as if nothing had happened. You have forgiven, established relationships, everything is fine, but bang - the same song again!

What should a woman do in such situations, how to react to sudden departures and returns?

1. Think about what caused you to leave and whether this can be corrected in the future. Analyze recent events, your behavior, conversations. Calm down, you have time for this! If you understand mistakes, correct them, become a wise and reasonable woman.
2. Stop trying to take revenge, scold, or arrange an interrogation with passion! React to his appearance with restraint, even if a storm is raging inside.
3. Have self-respect - do not throw yourself into his arms with words of love or gratitude, otherwise the man will regard this gesture as encouragement, repeating his departure in the future.
4. Without raising your voice, calmly express your grievances. “You disappeared, I was in the dark. I find it difficult to answer how to evaluate your action now, but then I set myself up for a break. Sorry, I need time to decide what to do next.”
5. Spare your man the bitter stories of how difficult, lonely, scary, painful it was for you. Don't make him feel guilty.
6. If a man comes with gifts after he disappears, just accept them. Don't be arrogant or condescending. The time has come to seek you again, let him feel it.

During his absence, try to live with benefit for yourself: new acquaintances, transformations, meetings. Spend more time with loved ones, be outdoors more often. Open up, take up a new hobby, treat yourself to delicious food, beautiful things. Life goes on!

If a man disappears or appears, there are undoubtedly reasons for his return. He likes you - that's a fact. Another question is how long this can last, because there are reasons to leave you! You can live like this all your life, or maybe he will someday meet the one in whom he will be satisfied with absolutely everything! If you are already truly tired of this and have done everything possible for this relationship, do not be afraid to break this cycle. The time will come - and you will find that man who will take care of you and appreciate you, and not abandon you at every opportunity! After all, you certainly deserve someone who prefers to solve issues constructively, without burying your head in the sand! Remember this always! Be happy!

My greetings to you, dear ones!

Why do men disappear from relationships without explanation? This most often happens at the very beginning of a relationship, but sometimes those who are especially “responsible” manage to evaporate even from the family. A special case is when a man disappears on the eve of the holidays, or after you ask him for a gift or help with something.
Who is to blame and what to do?

The man took the phone number and disappeared immediately after meeting

Variant of the story.
He saw you on a bus passing by, ran after you for a whole block, got on the bus at a stop and, very embarrassed, asked for your phone number, because he really liked you and was generally the girl of his dreams. At the same time, he was sober and adequate.

You agreed that he would call in the evening, and... 2 weeks have passed since then, and not a call from him, not a tiny text message.
Why the hell did you get the number, you ask? It's annoying!

Why couldn't he call:

he just didn't feel like it anymore. It happens that the romantic mood passes, a man switches to his life and forgets about this little adventure. Perhaps he was just bored, waiting for something, whiled away a free evening and had a little fun getting to know you, without originally planning to call. Or maybe he is even too lazy to get involved in a new relationship, especially if there is at least some alternative;

he made a mistake in writing the phone number, or the number was not saved. Or maybe the phone committed suicide right after we met, or it was stolen. Oops, bad luck this time. Quite an unlikely situation. And if he really liked you a lot, most likely he will find a way to meet you;

he is married or in a committed relationship. He couldn’t contain his impulse and met you, but then he thought it over and decided not to get involved in a relationship on the side. Or I hid your number away so that I can call you when the opportunity arises and my wife goes somewhere. While I was waiting, I forgot what you looked like and called the one I could remember (and this is for the better);

he met you on a bet, as proof he had to show your phone number, or your number is a trophy in itself that you can show off to your friends;

he is learning to achieve goals, or he has set himself a task - to meet ten women he likes, without being embarrassed or screwing up. Well, or he was simply interested in the process itself and flirting, he was checking his “maleness” and whether he had lost his fighting acumen, but it would have been strange not to take the number, and so he took it. Or maybe he’s just a pick-up artist with his usual quirks;

after meeting you, I met another “girl of my dreams”, but forgot to think about you, because fresh emotions overwhelmed the slightly forgotten ones;

During the conversation, he realized that he had made a mistake with his conclusions about the “dream”, but it was simply inconvenient not to ask for the phone number, or he took it just in case. Such an understanding may come to him some time after the conversation;

he needed urgent sex, and you refused to go with him where he invited him (at least to a cafe to begin with), or even during communication he realized that it wouldn’t work out so easily with you. He took your number for the sake of decency, maybe even walked you home, and then ran off to look for a more affordable option, and completely forgot about you;

he was disappointed that you so easily gave him the phone number without forcing him to go through some kind of quest like “on Saturday at 6 pm I will come to dance at the fitness club on Sovetskaya 64, if you want, you can see me there.” Some men are not looking for easy ways, they want to overcome obstacles and they are only interested in girls that are difficult to reach and even inaccessible, while others immediately lose interest. They have a peculiar understanding of ease of accessibility: if she gave the number right away, it means she’s a so-so girl, probably no one needs her;

he died or force majeure happened to him (this sometimes happens, although rarely).

In general, the cause could be anything from a simple change in mood to personal Armageddon. Anyway, if he doesn’t call, it means he just doesn’t want to do it. Unless he died, of course.

What to do?

Nothing. Leave him the right to be what he wants and do with his life as he sees fit. Very often a man gets acquainted, knowing full well that all this will not be continued, and you have absolutely nothing to do with it. You shouldn’t get carried away with soul-searching and look for the reason within yourself, because in the vast majority of cases, as you noticed, it’s about the man himself and his intentions, and not about you.

In the end, this is just another acquaintance, of which a free girl in search can have (and should be!) a dozen a day. Why make it too much great importance? Mind your own business, communicate and enjoy life. Don't rush. If he needs it, he will find it and call. The less you remember about it, the faster you will forget. In a week, month, or year, you definitely won’t remember about it.

A man suddenly disappeared at the beginning of a relationship

You started a relationship, everything seemed to be fine, perhaps you even managed to become friends not only with your hearts, but also with your bodies. And then bam - you realize that it’s been washed away for a whole week. Or he gradually faded away, called less and less often, and the time between meetings lasted longer and longer, and eventually stopped showing signs of life. You feel crushed, and thoughts are swarming in circles in your head: “Why? What did I do wrong? How can I fix everything?”

Alas, not all men have the courage to at least write a text message saying that everything is over between you. Not to mention a personal meeting. And is this meeting necessary? There is no longer a relationship, and what difference does it make how he told you about it? What if he didn’t say anything and just disappeared without explanation?

In this case, women most often begin to blame themselves. And in vain.

If you disappear at the beginning of a relationship, the reasons may be different:

1. He died or something tragic happened to him. Again, it is possible. This is a very unlikely case, so I highly recommend not calling him, asking if everything is okay with him, and if he has breathed his last. Moreover, you shouldn’t wait at the door of his apartment to “just talk and dot the t’s.”

If you have been in a relationship for some time and are very worried about his life, ask mutual friends about him once.
If they are not there and there is no one to find out about its existence, then you can still easily check it yourself. Wait for him near work or home. The main thing is to do it from afar and don’t catch the eye of either him or your mutual friends! Otherwise, he will think too much about himself, or worse, he will feel like a victim of an abnormal hunter and is unlikely to ever show up.

As a last resort, you can also write him a message: “Hi, how are you?” Delivered, but no response, and yet it regularly appears online? So, point number 2.

2. He just doesn't like you. Maybe you liked him initially, but didn’t like him, he saw that you and he had different interests, views on life and goals, and you weren’t on the same path. Or he started dating you out of boredom, without thinking about whether he likes you. Doesn’t it really happen to women that, out of boredom, they indulge a little in a relationship with someone who is not very interesting and with whom nothing long-term is initially planned? The boredom has passed, and the need for a relationship with you has disappeared. How can he explain this? That’s why he prefers to evaporate in silence.

3. He realized that he conquered you, got what he wanted, and is looking for the next prey, or is already running after it with all his might. This often happens after sex, which is what men most often hunt for. This means that sex was the goal, or it was accidental, or not at all what the man would like. And here, in fact, this is the same point number two, in which he simply doesn’t like you.

4. He was afraid of responsibility, your serious conversations and intentions, or even realized that he did not want to spend his life with you. Also point number 2.

5. He has a period of doubt when he himself wants to decide whether to continue the relationship with you. Very similar to point number 2, but with unimportant nuances.

6. He made peace with his ex. It's trivial because it happens often. Especially if he started a relationship with you to forget her, or to spite her, or to make her jealous. The effect has been achieved, your services are no longer needed...

7. He is tired of your hysterics, demands and brainwashing, especially in public. The lack of gratitude and criticism makes him feel used. And his patience ran out.

8. He has problems or is stuck at work. That is, the fear of losing you fades into the background, because it is not so great in comparison with his problem.

9. Holidays are coming up: your birthday, New Year, February 14, March 8. It’s a pity to spend money on a gift for you. He will show up after the holidays. Either you yourself asked him for a gift or help with something, and he disappeared. This is definitely point number 2.

It would seem that the reason should be obvious to the woman herself. But when falling in love literally comes out of your ears, all this no longer seems so logical. I would like to hope for the best. Especially if in my mind I already married him and gave birth to three children. And he takes it and brazenly merges... I don’t want to believe that this is the end. But there is nothing more left.

What to do?

If he disappeared after the first sex - nothing. He is not interested in developing relationships, he will have to get over it. Any SMS and calls are a humiliation of your dignity.

If he disappeared before the first sex, then nothing. It's not hard to forget a man a woman hasn't slept with. Sooner or later it will disappear from your mind without leaving a trace. It is unlikely that it will take more than a few months, and in a couple of years you will not be able to remember about it, even if you wanted to.

If he disappeared after a couple of months of the relationship, it’s surprising, but again nothing. It makes no sense to terrorize him with calls, “accidentally” catch his eye, ask for forgiveness, offer help in solving problems, eternal friendship or meetings for sex. He may agree, but in his eyes you will lose your last value. What if he doesn’t agree, how will you feel?

Even if your tantrums were to blame, draw conclusions about changing your behavior in life, wait a couple of weeks, write to him “Hi, how are you?” and wait for a reaction. If he wants to communicate and meet you, try not to repeat your destructive behavior. If his reaction is sluggish or absent, continue searching for the man of your dreams. Give yourself the right to make mistakes! After all, no one is perfect, and there is no point in making excessive demands on yourself. After all, you are not a gold bar for everyone to like, and you don’t have to be loved by everyone who comes your way. Leave it to others to choose whether they like you or not. And it's not your problem. You don't like everyone either.

And this “loser” will show up himself if he wants. And he will most likely do this no earlier than you truly decide to let him go inside you.

In any case, even if you want to get him back, you first need a break in communication for 2-3 weeks so that he forgets the bad things about your relationship, the resentment subsides, and he misses all the good things that happened between you. Problems don’t last forever, if you’re bored, you’ll call. If you don’t get bored, draw your own conclusions. By the way, I plan to write an article about how to competently return a man. Therefore, subscribe to updates at your convenience: in contact with, or , or so as not to miss it.

Why no explanation?

It would seem, well, just say humanly that you don’t want to continue, and that’s the end of it. A woman will not suffer in the unknown. But no. And why is that?

The main reason for this is fear. Suddenly you start making trouble, sort things out, accuse him of all sins, cut off his phone, watch at the door, threaten, or even smash his car or face. And so it seems that he hid his head in the sand, and you see - everything will sort itself out, she will survive and calm down.

Although his hopes look stupid, it is still pointless to blame him for them. After all, women often do even worse than he could imagine in his worst nightmare. If all women calmly reacted to the proposal to leave, did not reproach him and did not cry, did not try to get a reason from him, did not persuade him to change his mind and stay where he does not want to stay, then it is quite possible that he would not disappear after all. English

That is, if women knew their worth and behaved with dignity. If he doesn’t want to, it means he doesn’t want to, this is his decision and choice, it is impossible to be suitable for everyone, and you are good enough to arrange your personal life happily without him. If all women had this much self-esteem and confidence, the world would be a completely different place, full of responsible men. I wrote in detail about the benefits of female dignity in family happiness.

Also, the reason may be the feeling of being the navel of the Earth. He is sure that everyone around him thinks and feels the same as he does. In his head, he has built logical arguments why your relationship has no future, and he is absolutely sure that everything is just as clear to you, this is more than logical!

He doesn’t take into account that this is only logical for him, and you have your own feelings about the relationship with him, and about all other reasons too. Needless to say, women are guilty of this no less often. For example, when you are sure that it is logical - after six months of a relationship, buy the most expensive ring that you can afford, invite you to a restaurant, get down on one knee and, shedding tears of love and admiration, propose to the woman.

And he may have his own logic about when, to whom and how to make an offer. The woman gets offended and leaves him, and he doesn’t even understand why he was abandoned.

Or a woman thinks that it is logical and natural to help her when she is puffing and straining, dragging bags from the store, or washing dishes late at night, when everyone is already asleep. But this is not logical for a man - well, since she copes and doesn’t ask for help, then she doesn’t need it. If a man does not need help, he will not ask for it, and offering to help him will humiliate him, show him that he is a weakling and is not able to cope with it.

Therefore, he judges by himself, and the woman by herself. Each is sure that the other’s head has the same thoughts as his. That the other understands perfectly well what they want from him, but does not do it out of spite, specifically to offend him more strongly. This is how two adult small children, who still have not realized where one person ends and another begins, ruin each other’s relationships and lives.

Another option could be a period of doubt. Many male trainers argue that a man must have a period when he decides for himself whether he wants to be with this woman. They came too close and he first needed to move away in order to see her at some distance and feel attraction. And it would be better if this period came at the beginning of a relationship, and not in a deep marriage.

Women, as a rule, do not have such a period. Therefore, he won’t even be able to explain to her what’s what, no matter how hard he tries. Often he cannot even explain to himself why he wants to push away from her. If she doesn’t get hysterical and just minds her own business, then most likely he will get bored and will be attracted to her again.

A man disappeared and appeared, how to behave

For whatever reason, a man disappears, if he appears, it means he has some desire to be with you. Whether it’s strong or not, he himself doesn’t know yet. Therefore, competent behavior of a woman is important here.

First, you need to put aside the desire for revenge and send him away, fall in love and leave him, get him at all costs and come what may. Better analyze his qualities, past attitude towards you, listen to yourself - would you like to spend your life with this person? Are you interested in communicating with him? Are you inspired by his goals? Don't you feel deep down that you will break up with him sooner or later because he is not right for you? Are you simply fooled by his good looks? To help you decide, I specifically wrote.

Usually inside a woman there are answers to these questions, but emotions drown out everything. And then she either understands that he is what she needs, but pushes him away out of resentment, or, on the contrary, she realizes that he is not very interesting to her and does not suit her, but the excitement of the hunt and offended pride force her to fight for him, wasting her time in vain.

If you don't need him, you shouldn't start this relationship again. It's better to end everything now before you get too attached. Then it will be more painful to tear it off, but you will still have to, since it is not a match for you.

If you don’t know him well and have not yet managed to understand whether he is needed or not, or are sure that he is needed, you will need all your self-control, pride and patience. React to his appearance calmly.

You should not joyfully throw yourself into his arms - for him this will be a sign that you have been waiting for him and he can disappear and appear whenever he pleases, and you are quite happy to be an alternate airfield and will always happily accept him.

At the same time, you should not roll out insults to him, describe your sufferings that you experienced without him, how bad you felt without him. He can run away from guilt again. Perhaps he had that very period of doubt, and he survived it.

You shouldn’t scold him for this, it’s best to just explain your feelings: “I didn’t know what to think, it was like you don’t want our relationship anymore, and I was preparing for the worst and trying to come to terms with the idea that between We're done. So now I need to think about it to see if I want to continue.”

And let him try to earn your favor. Just accept his courtship, gifts and attention not with a feeling of offended pride and arrogance, but as if it were the first time. It’s as if he didn’t do anything wrong, but nevertheless he rolled back a step and is now trying to conquer you again. Old new fan. And it’s up to you to decide whether he’s worthy of a second try or not.

If you did everything right, he conquered you and you had a wonderful relationship, but then he suddenly or gradually disappeared a second time - your relationship is over. He has very big doubts about you. Too big to create a reliable family with him. This means he’s not right for you because he doesn’t love you enough. Or he is very afraid of responsibility, and this also means that he is not a match for you.

The man disappears and appears again

I won’t say anything new - he doesn’t like you enough to settle on you and stay. He may or may not have another woman - the conclusion is the same.

Yes, sometimes it happens that a man is very passionate and involved in his activities. Kind of like Rearden in Atlas Shrugged. This one will sometimes appear and disappear again in his fantastically interesting work. These are the kind of passionate people who can change the world. But there are very few of them.

This happens much more often when a man likes you in some ways, but not in others. So he rushes around in the hope of finding a more suitable option. Sometimes he misses some of your qualities that suit him, and at such moments he calls and writes. If he doesn’t show signs of life, it means at these moments he is most likely thinking about your unsuitable qualities, or about the suitable qualities of some other woman. Therefore, it is pointless to torture him with calls - at this moment he is focused on the bad, and you push him away even more.

That is, in essence, he doesn’t really need you. I specifically call the qualities "suitable for him" and "unsuitable" and do not call them your "good" and "bad" qualities. So that you don’t suddenly rush to blame yourself and reshape these qualities to please him. If you try to adapt to him, to love what he loves, to stop loving what he doesn’t like, you will lose yourself, and then you will not like either yourself or him, because he will become bored. Your self-esteem will drop to zero, you will constantly be looking for something else that is so “crooked” to change in yourself so that he will like you more. And without consistently high self-esteem, healthy relationships are impossible.

It is much more interesting to find someone who needs exactly your kit. My consulting experience shows that every product has its own merchant who can appreciate it. One considers a woman's intelligence to be a disadvantage, the other - an advantage. One needs someone who is soft and submissive, the other needs someone who can firmly defend their opinions and desires. One wants a woman who knows how to calmly negotiate, the other wants a brawler who, with her screams, causes a surge of emotions in him and makes him experience the whole rainbow of feelings. It is impossible to please everyone at once; it is better to look longer and find your own ideal.

It turns out that such relationships, when a man is “figaro here - figaro there”, are unpromising. You can’t adapt to him, and if you don’t adapt, he will run away again. As a last resort, you can correct your obvious shortcomings, which you yourself consider to be such. For example, quarrelsomeness, rudeness, inadequate jealousy, unkemptness and others like them - in any case, it won’t hurt to work on these qualities, at least just for yourself, and not for him. But only if you want to. After all, you can find your connoisseur in any case if you look hard enough.

In such a “neither here nor there” relationship, the woman becomes deathly attached to the man. No wonder - he gives her such an emotional swing that you just sway! A woman considers such a man amazing because he makes her shake ten out of nine. Sometimes from love and happiness, sometimes from resentment and hatred. She feels "finally truly alive." And it’s so sweet and pleasant to wait for his call, and then he will crawl on his knees in front of her, ask for forgiveness and say that she is the best in the world and he realized that he cannot live without her. They will have a sweet time of love, seasoned with the bitterness of waiting for a new separation, and then everything will happen again.

Other things are relegated to the tenth plane, because nothing can compare with these sensations. In my head there is only him and the anticipation of his next prank, an acute desire to get him whole, and it doesn’t matter how suitable he is. You can get into this addiction for many years.

Moreover, dependence is not so much on a man; he himself may not be needed; deep down, many women understand this. That they will break up with him sooner or later, when their relationship has more or less settled down, because they have very different views on life, and by and large are bored with each other.

The dependence here is more on these emotions and the irresistible gambling desire to achieve his love. Many of them say: “I’m not used to losing, I’ve invested too much in him, I can’t afford to lose, and I’ll get him at any cost.” Especially if he's handsome. They invest more and more, and therefore become more and more attached. There's too much at stake to just give up. And the further it goes, the worse it gets. Just like in a casino.

The secret of getting rid of addiction is to finally come to terms with it, take it and give it up. If a man has disappeared more than once, then he is simply not right for you. After all, the main criterion for a suitable man is that he loves you and wants to be with you. And this one either loves, then doesn’t love, then again twenty-five. Is it possible to build a family with this? If you hope that a stamp in your passport and the presence of children will stop him, then you are mistaken.

Accept that you have invested too much in this relationship and realize that you still have a lot left. You will not invest anything else into this relationship, and from now on you will only invest in places where you are truly welcome.

Find other sources of pleasure and emotion. During your relationship with him, you abandoned everything, because nothing could compare in the intensity of sensations with your hopeless romance. Old passions and hobbies no longer bring joy - look for new ones that do. Replace this addiction with another, only more useful and accessible one - for example, from a healthy lifestyle or your own chic appearance. Just this time remember that everything is good in moderation, don’t be obsessed and leave room in life for other activities and hobbies.

A man disappeared from a family or long-term cohabitation

Everything was fine, the family was created (or in the immediate plans), perhaps there were already children. And then, out of the blue, the man slammed the door and disappeared without explanation. Is this really possible?

Fortunately, rarely. This can only happen if in reality everything was not that good. But the wife chose the ostrich position. I buried my head in the sand and didn’t want to notice the problems. Because I didn’t know how to solve them, and I was afraid that everything would collapse. “A bad peace is better than a good quarrel, maybe it will somehow resolve itself,” she hoped. It didn't resolve...

The reason for this could be scandals, insults and grievances that accumulated and accumulated, and one fine day he realized that he was either in the noose or free. Because otherwise it will explode so much that they will have to collect its remains within a radius of one hundred kilometers. The instinct of self-preservation makes him run. He can be understood, because he was not taught the ability to negotiate, hear another and competently convey his thoughts. And who was taught?

The reason could also be that he fell in love with another woman who gave him an ultimatum, he couldn’t withstand the tension, and he didn’t have the courage to look you in the eyes. Just like long-term grievances with claims, a woman cannot help but notice that her husband has fallen in love with another. Therefore, here, too, it cannot be said that he disappeared for no reason. The woman understood what was happening, but was afraid to ask questions. And if you really didn’t notice, then can you really say about such a relationship “everything is fine with us”? In the family there is no closeness and understanding of what is happening to the other person. Not spouses, but cohabitants in a common area. When there is spiritual intimacy, a change in the other’s mood is felt almost instantly.

Leaving your family once and for all is not so easy. Parents and friends will force him to change his mind and come back (if you have created a good relationship with them, of course). Most likely, he will miss his children. And it wouldn’t hurt to get a divorce either, in order to create other relationships. Therefore, few people succeed in disappearing from their family without a trace.

Finally

If men often disappear from your life, then it is likely that the reason is you. Maybe from the first minute you want to marry every next man, and you behave too annoyingly? Or is your nature very hysterical and it would be worth working on yourself? There can be many reasons, each situation is individual.

Don't get attached to a man too quickly, let things take their course. Leave him the right to change his life whenever he wants. And don’t forget to give yourself this right. Stop thinking about whether you are right for him and what he wants from you. It’s better to check if it suits you (using the same one that I already mentioned).

And most importantly, stop blaming yourself for everything! Self-esteem is like a hundred-kilogram weight - it’s easy to drop and difficult to lift. If he has not forgotten his ex, this does not mean that you are worse, it’s just that his heart is closed to others. If he doesn’t like something about you, it doesn’t mean that you are bad, you just aren’t suitable for HIM. After all, if it is important for you that a man, for example, likes to travel and does not smoke, then smoking homebody men are not bad at all, they are just not suitable for YOU. And there is no tragedy in this, because it is impossible to be good and suitable for everyone. Look for your man who will be delighted with your qualities.

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You talked, went on dates, and then he disappeared. Stopped calling and answering messages, blocked you on social networks. You begin to look for the problem in yourself, reviewing the moments of meetings again and again: where did you make a mistake? In fact, there is no error. Why do such disappearances affect us so much and what to do, explains psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova.

Enter the phrase “why did he disappear” into a search engine and you will be surprised at the number of links: “Men admit why they disappear without explanation,” “How to survive the disappearance of a guy,” “The main reason why guys disappear.” This happens to many women and we want to know why it happens.

It's not just men who are disappearing. Women do this too. The difference is that after their partner goes missing, women spend much more time worrying and thinking about what they did wrong. Women blame themselves for everything.

Perhaps on a date you had too much, burst into tears because of your ex-love, or tried to forcefully kiss a man. But, most likely, you behaved appropriately, tried to make a good impression and find a normal partner.

The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man

It's probably not you. But you still manically re-read the correspondence and try to understand why he disappeared, retelling the details to your friends and asking what could have gone wrong. Even if you didn’t really like the man, the fact that he disappeared hurts. This mystery haunts you. You definitely want to solve it. But is it worth spending time on this?

When someone leaves us without explanation, we worry so much that we often forget the simple truth. If a man doesn’t like us or he switches to another woman, this has little to do with us. The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man.

How to deal with emotional trauma? Here are five steps to help you forget about the breakup.

1. Delete the conversation

You can't change someone else's behavior, so stop wasting time wondering what you should have said or done differently. Once you destroy the evidence, you will no longer be able to return to it and reflect on this topic.

2. Spend time with people who reciprocate your feelings

Your best friends and family won't run away from you. Shift your energy and attention to people you can trust.

3. Be open to new things

A good way to recover from such an awkward breakup is to shake yourself up a little. Say yes to the new and unknown. We invited an unknown musician to a concert - go ahead. A friend invited me to a bar - why not. A friend invites you to workout, lace up your sneakers.

4. Get back into the game

It's hard to meet men after you've been dumped. Try not to lose hope and be open to new acquaintances. But if you want to delete all dating apps and concentrate on something else, give yourself a break.

5. Don't do this to others.

Now you know how painful it is. You can come up with answers in advance that you will send to those with whom you do not want to communicate.

Someone who hurt your feelings and disappeared in such a shameless manner does not deserve your time.

Why do we care when men disappear?

Psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova explains why we react so painfully to the disappearance of men and what type of women experiences this trauma most acutely.

When a person suddenly disappears from our lives, the feeling of stability collapses. An information vacuum arises in which we try to explain what happened. Uncertainty gives rise to fears and negative fantasies based on previous life experiences.

The sudden disappearance of a man causes the most acute feelings in girls with complexes and traumas. If a woman experienced a traumatic interruption of contact with one of her parents in childhood, then the situation of rejection revives old complexes in her.

Women with a “guilt complex” also fall into an emotional trap. It is formed if a girl is instilled with an excessive sense of responsibility - you are responsible for everything that happens to you and around you. If she was unduly criticized in childhood, in adulthood she judges herself harshly.

The third group of vulnerable are girls who grew up in dysfunctional families. In such families, personal boundaries are violated, emotional or physical violence is present, which forms codependent character traits in the child. In relationships, such women identify themselves with their partner. When a man leaves, he takes the image of the woman with him.

Date: 2015-11-25

There is no point in talking about how painful past relationships can be or, even worse, incompletely completed relationships that endlessly, endlessly open up past wounds, then taking away, then again giving, it would seem, forever lost hope for future happiness .

Naturally, a situation in which an ex appears and disappears is difficult to call normal, if not impossible, and first of all it is necessary to analyze the cause-and-effect relationships of such, to put it mildly, a contradictory model of behavior. But before you begin to analyze the possible reasons why your ex either disappears or appears, you should understand the question that is the most important in this situation, and more specifically, what exactly makes a woman tolerate such an attitude towards herself? The fact is that it is one thing when it comes to a married couple with common property and children. It is quite possible that the husband is rushing between his family and his new passion, not daring to make a final choice.

Of course, in such situations there are immediately “hot heads” who recommend cutting from the shoulder and breaking up completely, but such things are easy to advise without delving deeply into this problem. Meanwhile, such sacrifices actually make sense, because it is quite possible that in the end the family will still be able to be saved, and water, as we know, wears away stones and it is possible that in the future the spouses will remember this situation no differently, like a bad dream. Things will be completely different in a situation where they “fool the head” of a young unmarried young lady in this way, who, due to her inexperience, cannot finally break this vicious circle.

Usually the most common deterrent in situations like this is the insecurity of a woman who quite seriously believes that no one else needs her, and only with this man can she be truly happy. In fact, the strong half of humanity feels fears of this kind very well and willingly takes advantage of them, continuing to inspire their “victim” that this state of affairs is absolutely normal and not at all unnatural. Of course, different moments happen in life, but if we are not talking about an isolated situation, but about a trend, then it’s worth thinking about, and very seriously.

After all, nothing will stop such a person from treating a woman in exactly the same way at more serious stages of life, again leaving her completely alone, and even face to face with various difficulties and adversities.

A man shouldn’t look for endless excuses like “I made a mistake,” “this won’t happen again,” or, in general, fantastic excuses like “I was probably busy.” The fact is that anyone who is truly interested in a woman will always find the opportunity to meet her or at least call her, and no one ever disappears without a serious reason. Moreover, this reason most often “bears” a beautiful woman’s name and white bangs, and the “doubter” himself simply cannot decide which woman or even women he is on his way with. You shouldn’t call him or, even worse, look for meetings with him, because such annoying behavior will only completely turn away the man, each of whom is by nature a hunter, not a prey. Therefore, if we are not talking about some important circumstances, difficulties and adversities, due to which a person is temporarily lost from sight, you still need to gather your courage and cut this knot of relationships, which in fact are not needed by anyone except a woman.

However, it is not uncommon for such stories to occur when a woman cannot break up because she experiences sexual passion towards a man, which is called physical dependence among psychological experts. And you can swear to yourself at least a thousand times that “never again,” because all these promises are instantly forgotten as soon as He appears on the doorstep or calls on the phone. In fact, getting out of such a situation is much more difficult than it might seem at first glance, because such feelings are akin to drug addiction, when the desire to receive an object of desire dulls feelings such as pride, shame and dignity.

However, this does not mean at all that there is no point in fighting and, ideally, turning to a specialist for help or, at worst, to your closest and dearest people. Only long-term joint work can help a person, although first of all he must work on his feelings himself, because in order to recover, you must first of all really really want it very much.

There is another wonderful way out of a seemingly completely dead-end situation of this kind - to knock out a wedge with another wedge. We are talking about new relationships that can be life-saving for a woman.

And all because many representatives of the fair sex experience loneliness very painfully and are often ready to endure anything, just not to be alone. That is why there are all the troubles that can and should be fought against.