How to get someone to do something. How to convince a person that black is white

Hello dear readers! We have to convince people in different situations: at work, at school, in personal life. Remember the last moment when you had to communicate with a person to persuade him to your side. Was it easy for you? If you are reading this article, then most likely you have failed. But it is so important to know how to properly persuade a person. But this skill can be easily learned. Therefore, today I want to talk about how to convince people in various life situations, what should definitely be emphasized and what should definitely be avoided.

If you want to master the skill of persuasion, then you can not do without this book: Robert Cialdini " Psychology of influence. Persuade. Act. defend yourself". It is she who reveals this topic in its entirety, in an understandable language, it provides clear and simple examples on which you can easily learn to convince anyone.

Power of persuasion

The ability to get a person to accept your position is extremely useful in various areas of life. Persuade. Arrange with your lover to go to the cinema. Make a friend go on a diet together and so on. In all these situations, it is extremely important to understand how best to influence the interlocutor in order to incline to your opinion and push him to the actions you need.

If today it is extremely difficult for you with you, do not be upset and do not worry. This is a skill that can and should be developed every day, albeit in small portions. Start small and work your way up. Of course, you most likely won’t be able to perform complex techniques right away, because this requires experience. That is why I warn you against haste.

What does it mean to convince another person? Give the necessary arguments, show an example, make you think in such a way as to direct the actions of a person in the direction you need. It is extremely important to understand the real beliefs of the person himself.

Remember that all people do only what brings them material, mental or moral benefits. That is what your actions should be aimed at. Show the person the benefit they will receive.

The process of persuasion depends on many factors. You need to win over only one person or a whole group to your side; you are trying to negotiate with your boss or your girlfriend; in front of you is a person or benevolent regarding your idea. All this involves completely different tactics. Let's deal with each situation in more detail.

persuasive speech

I want to start by preparing a speech. When you need to pitch a new product in front of clients, or convince a board of directors about a new direction for your business, or make an impressive appearance in front of an examining board. All of the principles below can be useful to you in a personal conversation, when you need to win over just one person to your side.

The first principle is your understanding of the essence. In order to convince the many, to win over the majority, you need to clearly understand the intentions and goals. If you are not confident in your belief, then it will immediately catch your eye.

You should not just prove, you should show all the charm of your idea and the benefit for the audience you are speaking to. You will gain more credibility if people see your confidence and determination.

The second equally important point is the structure of your speech. A poorly prepared speech will leave behind only a bitter aftertaste and disappointment in the speaker. Therefore, it is extremely important for you to learn how to plan your speech correctly.

How to build a presentation? First comes the introduction. It should be short, concise and indicate the essence of your further speech. You can start off with a serious tone, or you can start with a joke, which will give the presentation a lighter and more casual format.

After the introduction comes the main part. Emphasize how you speak. It's just as important as what you say. Persuasive speech should be clear, easy to understand, logical and coherent. Do not fuss, do not try to cram as many examples, evidence and arguments into the speech as possible. Stop at two or three of the most powerful and backed by authoritative sources.

Break your speech into small blocks. Information is best absorbed in short and precise expressions. Do not be afraid to ask the audience questions and boldly answer your questions. But be careful, improvisation has its pitfalls. Therefore, try to think in advance what questions you may be asked.

And if you really have to improvise, then for preparation you can not do without the article "".

At the end, briefly recap the whole speech with the main points, and make the main statement, which should encourage people to take certain steps (buy your product, enroll in courses, and so on).

Useful tricks

Now let's talk about what tricks you can use to convince a person in a personal conversation.
When you speak, be careful with your language. The same information can be presented under completely different sauces. I suggest you think about the following two phrases: “I have no money” and “I am currently experiencing a little financial difficulty.” Where do you see the difference in these phrases?

When you win over a person to your side, then try to use emotionally charged words. A meager and faded argument, even if it is well supported, will cause much less response than an emotional speech.

When you talk to a person, you can gain more trust from him through gestures and facial expressions. This is done in a simple and uncomplicated way - to take his pose. When we are like a person, then he subconsciously feels sympathy for us and trusts our words more. You can learn more about body language in the article "".

In the psychology of persuasion, there is a great technique that marketers use everywhere - creating a visible scarcity. We all want to have something unique and special. Therefore, when a limited batch of any product is produced, the store is bursting with queues.

A useful example of long-term persuasion is exchange. In order to get what you want from a certain person, give him something. For example, lend a neighbor a drill, give your boss tickets to the opera, give a friend. With such an act, you oblige a person to return kindness for kindness. Don't overdo this trick.

Always remember to be honest and open. People are more inclined to trust someone who does not hide anything, is friendly and smiling. It is difficult to agree with someone who is gloomy, mutters something under his breath and does not evoke positive emotions in general.

Reception "three yes". Start the conversation with two questions that the person will definitely answer in the affirmative: Is the weather fine today, yes; I see you are a bit tired today, right? After that, the person will be inclined to answer the third question in the affirmative.

Never forget about the benefit that a person will receive by agreeing with you. You need to convince him not that he just needs to act in a certain way, but about how much good he will get from this action.

Touch sometimes works wonders. A light pat on the shoulder, a gentle touch on the arm, elbow or forearm. All this will help you forge a closer and closer relationship with the person. Try not to overdo it with such gestures. Firstly, each person has his own comfort zone, read about it in the article "", and secondly, your gesture may seem intrusive and will only push you away.

Be attentive to your interlocutor, speak briefly and to the point, praise the person, focus on the benefits for the person himself, do not push if you see a clear disagreement.

How often do you have to convince people? Is it easy to agree with you? What can influence you to decide to change your point of view to the opposite?

Train and practice. Only then can you hone this skill to perfection.
Best wishes to you!

Irina Davydova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Not the stronger one who has great knowledge, but the one who is able to convince is a well-known axiom. Knowing how to choose words, you own the world. The art of persuasion is a whole science, but all its secrets have long been revealed by psychologists in easy-to-understand, simple rules that any successful business person knows by heart. How to convince people - advice from experts ...

• Control over the situation is impossible without a sober assessment of the situation. Evaluate the situation itself, the reaction of people, the possibility of the influence of strangers on the opinion of your interlocutor. Remember that the result of the dialogue should be beneficial for both parties.
• Mentally put yourself in the place of the interlocutor. Without trying to "get into the shoes" of the opponent and without empathizing with him, it is impossible to influence a person. Feeling and understanding the opponent (with his desires, motives and dreams), you will find more opportunities for persuasion.

• The first and natural reaction of almost any person to pressure from outside is resistance.. The stronger the “pressure” of persuasion, the stronger the person resists. You can eliminate the "barrier" from the opponent by positioning him towards you. For example, to play a joke on yourself, on the imperfection of your product, thereby "lulling" the vigilance of a person - there is no point in looking for flaws if you have listed them. Another of the tricks is a sharp change in tone. From official to simple, friendly, universal.
• Use “creative” phrases and words in communication - no denial or negativity. Incorrect: “if you buy our shampoo, your hair will stop falling out” or “if you don’t buy our shampoo, you won’t be able to appreciate its fantastic effectiveness.” Correct option: “Restore strength and health to your hair. New shampoo with a fantastic effect! Instead of the questionable word "if", use the convincing "when". Not “if we do…”, but “when we do…”.

• Do not impose your opinion on the opponent - give him the opportunity to think independently, but "highlight" the right path. Wrong option: "Without cooperation with us, you lose a lot of advantages." Correct option: "Cooperation with us is a mutually beneficial alliance." Wrong option: "Buy our shampoo and see how effective it is!". Correct option: "The effectiveness of the shampoo has been proven by thousands of positive responses, multiple studies, the Ministry of Health, the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences, etc."
• Look for arguments to convince your opponent in advance, having thought through all the possible branches of the dialogue. Put forward arguments in a calm and confident tone without emotional overtones, slowly and in detail.
• When convincing an opponent of something, you must be sure of your point of view. Any of your doubts about the “truth” you put forward is instantly “caught” by a person, and trust in you is lost.

• Learn sign language. This will help you avoid mistakes and better understand your opponent.
• Never give in to provocations. In persuading your opponent, you must be a "robot" who cannot be pissed off. “Balance, honesty and reliability” are three “pillars” of trust even in a stranger.
• Always use facts - the best weapon of persuasion. Not “grandmother told” and “read on the Internet”, but “there are official statistics ...”, “I know from personal experience that ...”, etc. Witnesses, dates and figures, videos and photographs, opinions of famous people are the most effective as facts .

• Learn the art of persuasion from your children. The child knows that by offering his parents a choice, he, at least, will not lose anything and even gain: not “Mom, well, buy it!”, But “Mom, buy me a radio-controlled robot, or at least a designer”. By offering a choice (and by preparing the conditions for the choice in advance so that the person makes the right choice), you allow the opponent to think that he is the master of the situation. Proven fact: it is rare for a person to say “no” when offered a choice (even if it is an illusion of choice).

• Convince your opponent of his uniqueness. Not by vulgar open flattery, but by the appearance of a "recognized fact." For example, "Your company is known to us as a responsible company with a positive reputation and one of the leaders in this field of production." Or "We have heard about you as a man of duty and honor." Or "We would like to work only with you, you are known as a person whose words never diverge from deeds."
• Focus on the "secondary benefit". For example, "Cooperation with us means not only low prices for you, but also great prospects." Or “Our new teapot is not just a technological super-novelty, but your delicious tea and a pleasant evening with your family.” Or "Our wedding will be so magnificent that even kings will envy." We focus, first of all, on the needs and characteristics of the audience or opponent. Based on them, we put accents.

• Do not allow neglect and arrogance towards the interlocutor. He should feel on the same level with you, even if in ordinary life you drive around such people for a kilometer in your expensive car.
• Always start a conversation with moments that can unite you with your opponent, not divide. Immediately tuned to the right “wave”, the interlocutor ceases to be an opponent and turns into an ally. And even in the event of disagreements, it will be difficult for him to answer you “no”.
• Follow the principle of demonstrating shared benefit. Every mom knows that the perfect way to talk a child into going to the store with her is to tell them that they sell candy at the checkout. with toys, or “suddenly remember” that his favorite cars were promised big discounts this month. The same method, only in a more complex execution, underlies business negotiations and contracts between ordinary people. Mutual benefit is the key to success.

• Position the person towards you. Not only in personal relationships, but also in the business environment, people are guided by likes / dislikes. If the interlocutor is unpleasant to you, or even completely disgusting (outwardly, in communication, etc.), then you will have no business with him. Therefore, one of the principles of persuasion is personal charm. It is given to someone from birth, and someone has to learn this art. Learn to highlight your strengths and hide your weaknesses.

V art of persuasion idea 1:

Video about the art of persuasion 2:

Little secrets that will ensure a pleasant change in your relationships with people

Everyone wants to be able to manage the world - or at least those who are nearby and on whom our success depends. However, not everyone succeeds. Psychologists say that it is enough to use basic techniques in everyday life that help to influence people in a certain way. The main thing here is to feel the person. And yet - training is important so that everything happens as if by itself, without tension.

The Benjamin Franklin Effect - Kindness Returns

famous American politician Benjamin Franklin, trying to get the location of a person who treated him negatively, simply did a good deed for him - he borrowed a very valuable and rare book that he had been looking for for a long time. As a result, the man was imbued with good feelings for Franklin. The one for whom you have done good is ready to return even more kindness - this is Franklin's law.

Ask for more!

If you ask a friend for a hundred thousand loans, he is unlikely to fork out so easily. But this request will set him up perfectly the way you need, and when, some time after the refusal, he himself finds you and offers thirty or fifty thousand - know: the trick worked! The person, having refused, felt guilty and wanted to “correct”. Therefore, always overestimate your requirements and requests.

The name of a person is a magic key

This is an old and very famous trick - I wrote about it Dale Carnegie but it really works! For each person, the most desirable and pleasant sound in the world is their own name, which is pronounced in a positive context. When talking to someone, try to address them by their first name more often. It is also desirable to smile at the same time - and half the success is in your pocket.

sincere flattery

Yes, flattery can also be sincere. So that it does not look rude and unreasonable, take a closer look at the person, try to determine who is in front of you. Any compliments can be said to an interlocutor with high self-esteem - they will only confirm his own opinion of himself, and you will automatically become a pleasant person for him. But someone who evaluates himself quite low will take your flattery with distrust - and this is the easiest way to lose his favor. In this case, you need to play a more subtle game.

Become a "mirror"

When talking with a person, try to unobtrusively repeat his gestures, facial expressions, behavior. Just not “on the forehead” - let your manners become similar, but not exactly the same as his. A well-known human feature is to treat well those who are similar to themselves. So, becoming a “mirror” for a while, you will win sympathy, and it will be easier to achieve something from this person. The reason is the same as in the case of the repetition of the name: the interlocutor is once again convinced that he exists and, moreover, that the fact of his existence is pleasant for others.

Be the "echo"

The principle is the same as in the previous technique. It is always pleasant for a person to hear how the interlocutor repeats his words and whole phrases, as if confirming his correctness and demonstrating that he listens carefully and attaches great importance to his words.

You need to ask from someone who is tired

An active, active person is unlikely to respond to your request. But if you turn to a tired person - most likely, looking at you through the prism of his own fatigue and desire to rest, he will agree with the request. For example, approaching a tired boss in the evening with a request to let you go early and promising that you will finish work tomorrow morning, most likely you will hear an agreement. Moreover, by keeping your promise and delivering the work on time, you will earn the respect of the boss.

Don't point people out to their mistakes!

Even if they are clearly wrong. Even if the error is quite serious and no one except you noticed it. The only thing you will achieve is to become an enemy for a person. Graduality is needed to change his point of view and force him to correct the mistake. Agree with him no matter what he says. And then carefully, slowly, begin the subtle work of changing his point of view.

Just nod

Nodding throughout the conversation should convince the interlocutor that you agree with him, that you approve of him, what he says, which means that you treat him with sympathy and approval. A gesture as simple as nodding will later help you convince the other person that you are right.

Learn to listen

When a person only pretends to listen, while he himself is busy with his own thoughts, this is immediately evident. Such people do not want to tell anything, they do not believe, they do not cause sympathy. But if you try to sincerely understand what they are telling you, try to "try on" the situation, agree - at least at the beginning - you will immediately arouse both trust and a desire to assist. You may have to make an effort on yourself first. But if you manage to actually become interested, and not just pretend to be interested, then you can then convince anyone that you are right.

Today I will continue to consider the art of persuasion and I'll tell you about how to convince someone you are right how to persuade other people to your point of view. The art of persuasion can be attributed to sufficient importance, necessary for success. This can be useful in any area of ​​human life, but especially in business or work related to sales.

In one of the previous articles, I already considered the general ones, but it should be recognized that each person is individual, and the method that will help persuade one person to his point of view will not have any effect or even harm when communicating with another. This is explained by the fact that different people have their own psychological characteristics, depending on the type of their character and temperament. Therefore, today we will talk about how to convince a person of his point of view, based on his psychological characteristics.

To do this, first of all, we will need to divide people into different psychological types. Most often, psychologists use the temperament of a person as a criterion for such a division, but, in this case, this may not be enough, since it is important for us to divide people according to the type of reaction to attempts to convince them. I propose to distinguish 4 types of people according to these criteria:

- Always confident in his rightness, unbending;

- Doubting, indecisive;

- Showing aggression, easily excitable;

- Indifferent and indifferent.

The main task of the art of persuasion is to correctly determine the type of person who needs to be convinced of his point of view, and then act taking into account his psychological characteristics.

Consider how to behave with people of each of these psychological types in order to convince them that you are right.

1. Confident. Convincing a person who is confident in his rightness and is not inclined to change his mind is the most difficult thing. Such people immediately make it clear what they need, they speak in short and firm phrases, express their position directly and openly. However, there is a method that will help win over even such people.

Excessive confidence and inflexibility can be a reflection not only of strength, but, conversely, of weakness of character. Especially if it is self-confidence, which is observed very often.

In this case, the best way to persuade a person to your point of view is to take him “on the loose”. To do this, it is enough to make it clear that you have doubts that he will be able to do something that you need.

For example, if you want to make a sale to such a person, you can tell him something like: “in general, it will probably be too expensive for you, we can find cheaper options.” Then ostentatious determination will play in him, he will answer that he can easily afford to buy goods at such a price and, as proof of his innocence, will make a purchase.

2. Indecisive. It is easiest to convince an indecisive and doubting person of his innocence. You can easily get verbal superiority over him and persuade him to your point of view. But the difficulty here lies elsewhere: first you need to recognize this type, because if you make a mistake and start acting in this way with a person of a different psychological type, then you will fail. Therefore, if you do not know how to convince a person of your point of view, you should immediately try to identify his indecision. How can I do that?

For example, according to the verbal expressions that he will use. An indecisive and doubting person will use the same fuzzy and imprecise expressions. For example, when making a purchase, he will ask for “something not very expensive” instead of “cheap”, or “something not very bright” instead of naming a specific color, he will use the words “a little”, “more or less” , “like”, “somehow”, etc., characterizing uncertainty. His gestures and facial expressions will also express doubt and uncertainty, for example, he will stagnate, fiddle with his clothes, weave and fiddle with his fingers, etc.

Most of us are good at talking people into things. We possess persuasion skills, sometimes even unconsciously, because we need them every day. We do not think when, intuitively knowing what exactly to offer in return, we persuade, for example, a husband, to buy a new dress for himself.

1. Be intelligent. Before you start asking for something and persuading, politely ask if the interlocutor has time to listen to your appeal. You will show him that you respect him and consider him a busy business person.
2. Speak beautifully. Your conversation can bewitch anyone if your statements are beautiful, unusual and interesting. Our psychology works in such a way that it is harder for an eloquent and even a little impudent speaker to refuse his request. Add more words to your vocabulary: “Please”, “Sorry to disturb you”, “Thank you”. If you have already achieved your goal, do not forget to express gratitude, otherwise the next time you will be denied assistance.
3. Smile more often. Show your charisma, smile, keep others and yourself in a cheerful mood. When people are in a good mood, you can get anything from them, because they will listen to you with pleasure and, hardly thinking about the true meaning of your words, will accept your point of view.
4. Do a favor. Before you persuade people, do something for them. They will feel that they owe you and simply cannot refuse the request. Make it a rule to do good deeds, because good always comes back.
5. Infect with the idea. Impress the interlocutor that your idea is unique, interesting and fully consistent with his personal interests. This will get your opponent's immediate attention.
6. Surprise. You cannot be completely obvious and predictable in your persuasions. Try to make people not even guess that you are leading them to fulfill their desires.
7. Don't expect a positive response. Be prepared to be rejected. For some reason, when we internally expect to hear a refusal, we are answered “yes”.
8. Don't be afraid to speak the truth. In our time, sincerity surprises and amazes. If you understand that it is not possible to persuade a person, admit to him that you want to satisfy only your own interests. Most likely, he will just be taken aback by such a surprise and will do what you ask.
9. Dare to stop. If you see that you are tired of the interlocutor and he will become bored, stop persuading, otherwise your importunity will lead to nothing.

Successful company

The success of any commercial organization is based on financial stability, the existence of which is impossible without customer demand for products. How to persuade a person to buy a product?

1. Light sides. Talk only about the positive qualities of the product, silent negative.
2. Only yes. Never use the "not" particle. For example: “Would you like sauce for potatoes?”, Or “Are you probably not planning to buy a TV today?”. The buyer listens to you and answers, of course, no. You gave him the answer yourself.
3. No negative. Do not remember bad moments with the buyer, so as not to spoil his mood. Do not talk about the case of marriage, even if it was a single one, or that the supplier is unscrupulous.
4. Saving money. Talk more about the fact that by purchasing a product, the client saves a lot of his time and money. It is better to keep silent about its costs.
5. Don't impose. No one likes annoying salespeople who are eager to sell their goods as soon as possible. Be a little more restrained and customers will be drawn to you!